


The Genius's Guide To Owning A Dog

by agentsimmons



Series: The Many Adventures of Bear Banner-Stark [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adorable Bruce Banner, Adorable Hulk, Adorable Tony Stark, Bruce & Hulk Interaction, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Hulk Feels, M/M, Marvel Cameos, Science Boyfriends, Science Husbands, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-04-14 14:44:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4568427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentsimmons/pseuds/agentsimmons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Series of ficlets within my Bear Banner-Stark verse (begun with Hulk Hearts Puppies), taking place at varying intervals of the timeline and involving Bruce and Tony doing random domestic-y things as they take care of their dog.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Guide To: Making It Official

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place the day after the last chapter of _Hulk Hearts Puppies_.

**Guide To: Making It Official**

"Hey, look," Clint chirped as Bruce came onto the common floor, carrying Bear in his arms, and walked over to where the archer, Natasha and Steve were lounging around. "He brought Junior with him."

Natasha snorted slightly. "I definitely see the resemblance."

Bruce rolled his eyes and sat down in an empty armchair. "Is that supposed to be an insult?" He rested Bear in his lap and then looked at him with a thoughtful expression. "Because he's got Tony's puppy dog eyes for one and adorable face for another."

"Ugh, please stop. I'm still digesting." Clint stuck out his tongue as if gagging.

"You know," Steve said, not even looking away from his newspaper, "I'm pretty sure I've heard Tony compare you to an adorable puppy too."

"Mm," Natasha hummed and nodded. "It's the curly hair and puppy dog eyes that never stop. Stark only does it when he wants something."

"As his boyfriend I take offense to that," Bruce countered, still blushing slightly from the previous statement. "They always look like big, chocolate puppy eyes to me."

"Oh, god," Clint groaned. "Make it stop."

Steve shook his head slightly, but there was a fond smile on his face when he folded his paper up. "I'm just saying they both have been compared to puppies in the past in a good way so I'm with Bruce. It's not really an insult."

"See, you _would_ say that," Clint pointed at him, "because even though they're like chocolate labs or, well, I guess Newfies? You on the other hand, you're basically the human embodiment of a big, blue-eyed golden retriever wagging his tail because he's happy to see everybody. If anyone is a puppy around here-"

"It's maybe the actual puppy?" Bruce interjected, empathizing with Steve's flustered appearance.

"I'm more like a cat," Natasha said after a beat of silence.

"Not a spider?" Clint asked and was rewarded by a pillow thrown with deadly aim.

Suddenly the elevator dinged open and the conversation was derailed by the enthusiastic engineer that emerged waving something in his hand. "Babe, it's done!"

Bruce turned his head and beamed at Tony as he came over. He then looked down at Bear and, with just as much enthusiasm asked, "D'you hear that? It's done. You ready for it to be official?"

When Bruce looked up again, he met with Natasha's quirked eyebrows and Clint's bemused expression. Steve merely seemed curious.

"It's definitely time to make it official," Tony responded as he perched a hip on the arm of the chair Bruce sat in, his free hand moving to play with the curls at Bruce's nape almost immediately.

"Finally gonna put a ring on it, Stark?" Clint asked with a smirk.

Bruce frowned at him and Tony narrowed his eyes before hitching the shoulder of the hand not still weaving in and out of curls. "No, but don't ask it like that."

"Like what?" Clint looked genuinely baffled.

"Like I haven't even considered it." Bruce tensed and Tony's hand dropped as he looked down at him curiously. "What? You think I haven’t? Really?"

Bruce's eyes widened as he met Tony's curious gaze and then ducked his head so his gaze was fixed on Bear's head. "Um… I…" He shrugged. "Not sure that's how I'd put it," he mumbled before clearing his throat. "So, the collar?" He looked back up at Tony, a smile on his face that diffused any momentary tension between them.

"Right." Tony nodded and his previous enthusiasm returned as if it had never left in the first place. He held it in front of him. "Turned out even better than we imagined. Am I a good engineer or am I a good engineer?"

Clint and Natasha gave each other an indifferent look before shrugging. Tony gave them a slightly displeased look.

"No," Bruce answered, shaking his head, but before Tony could seem betrayed, he added, "you're the best."

Tony's face nearly split open his smile was so wide and he immediately bent his head to capture Bruce's lips. " _You're_ the best," he said against his lips, still smiling as he did. They kissed again before pulling away.

"Why do I choose to live here again?" Clint asked in exaggerated disgust.

"Free room and board," Natasha answered dryly.

"Oh yeah," Clint said with a nod. "So you finally named the little furball then?"

"Yesterday," Bruce affirmed as he held Bear up for Tony to secure the collar around his neck. Once it was on, he and Tony admired it like proud parents and then Bruce set Bear on the floor.

Clint, for all his jesting, made the first move to call the puppy over. Bear bounded over to him happily and he inspected the collar as he petted him. Natasha leaned over slightly to inspect the collar from a casual distance, looking slightly down her nose as she did.

The collar was a wide band of strong leather in a rich, green color that Tony had insisted on.

"It'll show up better against his fur than red or black and the Big Guy'll get a kick out of it," he had said and Bruce had only made a show of opposing although he had sort of wanted blue. That had given Tony one of his engineering epiphanies and he had designed the tag itself to be round, silver, and etched with blue lettering all in a way that greatly resembled his arc reactor. Bruce, who had wanted blue for that reason although he hadn't said so, was more than okay with the compromise.

"We'll have to make sure his harnesses are purple," Tony had then said, earning a laugh and indulgent acquiescence from Bruce. It wasn't that he had ever been overly fond of the color or any color before coming to associate blue with Tony – not red or gold like most of the world – it was instead that Tony associated the color purple with him and that made it a little more special to Bruce by default. And when Tony had once, in a drunkenly sappy haze, admitted that it was because it was the color that Bruce had been wearing when they'd first met, the color that had changed his life, well, Bruce couldn't really find it in himself to protest too much anymore after that.

"Seriously?" Clint read the tag. "You named him Bear? Literally a million names in existence and _that's_ what you go with?"

Tony scowled. "Easy, Hawk-dude. Hulk helped us pick out that name. He's pretty fond of it."

"Uh, yeah, okay. Sure. Guess he looks a bit like a bear," Clint backtracked, tilting his head to study their puppy.

"I like it too," Steve chimed in, shrugging as he did. "It's simple. Classic. Fits his looks. Definitely fits his size," he added with a chuckle, still wary of when Bear would begin to get bigger. "I think dog names should be short and to the point."

"At least it's not Fido," Natasha said, reiterating her distaste for the name.

"Or Pizza," Bruce said with a quirk of his lips and impish glance at Clint.

"Oh, so you told him about that, huh?" Clint raised his brows, looking at Tony. "Good to know two of our teammates are using sleeping together as an excuse to gossip like they're hanging around some crappy water cooler." His tone was suddenly clipped and they all looked around at one another for a moment.

"Uh-" Bruce started, but Tony stood up straight and glowered at Clint before he could.

"FYI, we aren't _just_ ," he air quoted, "'sleeping together' so let's leave gross misinterpretations of our relationship out of it, yeah? Another thing-"

"Are you okay?" Bruce intervened before he could continue, placing a hand on Tony's arm and looking up at him in concern.

"Oh yeah, fine. Peachy even," he grumbled. "I'm heading to the lab." He carefully extracted himself from Bruce's hold and made good on his comment, leaving them immediately.

Once he was gone, Clint had three sets of eyes on him. Natasha's were curious and calculating. Steve's were disappointed. Bruce's were just plain intimidating.

"Come here, Bear. Come here," Bruce called for the puppy and he hurried over to his owner. Bruce picked him up and began petting him, looking away from Clint as he attempted to calm himself.

"What was that about, Clint?" Steve asked.

"You're asking _me?_ I'm not the one who became unhinged just because I used the term sleeping together."

"No, you're just the one who was being an asshole from the moment Stark came in," Natasha replied pointedly.

"Aren't you the one who said Tony and Bruce resemble dogs?" Clint countered.

"Not the same thing," Bruce muttered bitterly.

"He's right," Steve agreed. "It's really not. Natasha was just teasing. You said some pretty insensitive things when Tony was here. Not only were you rude about their puppy's name, you called him out twice on things that really aren't any of your business. He was in a good mood and you really mucked it up."

"Well," Bruce sighed a little, "it's probably not all Clint's fault. We haven't slept well the past few nights since getting Bear. Puppies have a tendency to whine at night and all. So we spent the whole night in his workshop working on the collar. I tried to get a nap and meditated a little, but you know how Tony is. He just worked right through. He's being a little more sensitive than usual it seems." He frowned slightly, still not meeting Clint's gaze.

"Wow, Clint," Natasha said evenly, shaking her head just a fraction. "Even when he could, he's not defending Tony's rudeness."

Clint hung his head for a moment before looking back up. "Yeah, okay, I was more of a dick than I should have been. I didn't know he was going to respond that way, got it? But that doesn't mean I'm not a little upset that he's making fun of my choice of pet names behind my back."

Bruce jerked his head quickly, finally meeting Clint's gaze with intensity that made the archer wilt slightly. "He never made fun of that behind your back," the physicist said sharply. "At least, not when he told me anyway. We were talking about names and he only said you wanted to name him Pizza and that you thought we'd just pick something science-y. He didn't even say it rudely. I'm the one who thought it was goofy, because guess what? I can be an asshole too contrary to popular belief. And just now I'm the one who thought you deserved to be teased about it since you clearly had no problem poking fun at _our_ name choice."

There was a long beat of silence and then a soft, "Oh." Clint tweaked his jaw. "Well, shit," he said louder and clearly upset with himself. "I'm sorry."

"You only minimally hurt my feelings," Bruce replied. "And most of that was for Tony's sake. But I'll admit, it's a little disappointing that everyone secretly thinks what we have can never be permanent." He then snorted derisively. "And you're probably right. Might as well call it what it is."

Clint's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. "I never meant-"

"It's fine," Bruce cut over him. "Just, if you could apologize to Tony, I'd appreciate it. I won't be in the lab for a while, so you won't have to worry about that." He stood to his feet, holding Bear close. "And I'm sorry too. For the name thing. The way you reacted, I'm guessing it's a trigger?"

Clint's face became hard and impassive. "Yeah. I had a stray once when I was a teenager. Great companion. Only companion it felt like sometimes. His name was Pizza. I kinda swore if I ever had any more dogs, I'd name them Pizza in memory. Silly kid stuff." He shrugged.

"Not silly," Bruce offered. He then walked over and handed Bear to the archer, getting a confused look in response. "I'm gonna go meditate some more. If you don't mind watching him for me. Or taking him to Tony since he might need him right now. Thanks."

* * *

"Bruce asked me to bring him to you while he went off to meditate," Clint explained his presence when Tony glared at him from across the lab.

"Meditating? Again?" Tony's glare immediately turned to concern and Clint nodded weakly.

"Yeah. And I'm pretty sure we both know who's to blame for it," he said as he crossed the space and handed the puppy off to the engineer. "Look, I'm pretty sure you don't want an apology from me. Except maybe for Bruce. I _am_ sorry for upsetting him. But let me tell you what I told him." He tightened his jaw before continuing. "I had a dog named Pizza once. Best friend for a while when I was a teen. Then one day, no more dog. Simple as that. First thing I did was tell myself I'd name my next dog Pizza. Second thing I did was tell myself I'd never get another dog because why get attached when you never know what's gonna happen next in my line of work."

"So our having a dog is a trigger?" Tony asked seriously, his previous anger having seemingly deflated.

"Eh, not so much the dog." He shook his head. "It was just thinking you were making fun of the name behind my back. But I was making fun of your name pick so I guess I had it comin'. Bear really isn't a bad name. And maybe I am a little jealous. I don't know. But, hey, I need to clear something up since the doc wouldn't let me," Clint said, changing the subject. "I didn't mean to be insensitive about your relationship. I wasn't trying to imply… Well, whatever it is you think I was trying to imply." He shrugged.

"Yeah, I got that. You know, once I cleared my head a little. It's just…" Tony sighed and set Bear on the nearby lab couch before running a hand through his hair. "First there was the thing about marrying him and then you went and used _that_ particular expression and I… I guess I snapped. I mean obviously we're sleeping together. But, I don't know, in my head it sounded like this is still just some fling. Like we're not dating. Like I’m not committed." He scowled and turned away from Clint, shaking his head.

There was a huff of frustration before he continued again. "The whole world is waiting for Tony Stark to get bored. Hell, there are still days _Bruce_ is waiting for me to get bored – waiting for me to just toss him aside like nothing ever happened. And worse than that, he's _resigned_ to it. He doesn't want that to happen, has said as much, but it's the fact that he even worries about it at all that fucking scares me. I finally found the one person I can't live without and the whole damn world thinks I'm too stupid or too flighty to try and hold onto him. And I have to stand by and watch the way he believes that crap. The way it goes straight to him. You saw it. He doesn't think I'd ever go so far as to marry him. And who knows what he thought about the sleeping together thing. Maybe that one was in my head. I don't know." He sighed again and slapped his hands against his thighs as if he didn't know what else to do with them.

Clint blanched. "Tony, he-"

The engineer spun around, not looking angry, rather genuinely distraught. "Oh and that's not even the best part. The icing on the whole pathetic cake is that I'm the one who should be afraid. And I am. If he ever wises up, well…" He shook his head, looking away at nothing. Suddenly _he_ looked resigned.

"If I had known, I wouldn't have said anything," Clint said after a moment of tense silence. "I mean, I know I joke about all the couple-y stuff you do, but truth is you guys seem really happy together. And if anyone knows how hard that is to come by, it's me. No more commitment jokes from me, promise. And, look, if I can manage to sneak in some subtle comments about how serious you are about this, I'll do my best. Least I can do."

Tony glanced back at Clint at that, face twisted slightly in surprise. "I'd actually appreciate that," he said in a genuine tone.

"And for the record, I do think you're a good engineer. The dog tag is pretty neat."

Tony offered him a thin smile as he moved to sit on the couch and pet Bear. "Well, if you ever get another dog, I'll make one for you. I can make it look like a pizza or something."

Clint snorted, but not without subtle fondness. "I'd like that."

* * *

Bruce opened his unfocused eyes, gradually returning from his meditative trance to complete consciousness. He blinked them several times in a slow rhythm. Then clarity returned and he blinked a few times in surprise as he was immediately greeted by Tony sitting cross legged facing him. The billionaire was staring at him intently.

"Tony, is everything o-"

He was silenced by two callused fingertips against his lips. They then trailed downward, joined by other fingers so that Tony cupped his jaw. Bruce met Tony's intense gaze and for a moment it was just brown locked on brown before his eyes fluttered shut in anticipation of the lips that soon found his own.

Bruce tasted the passion that Tony poured into the kiss and swallowed it desperately, doing everything he could to return in kind his own. By the time they finally pulled apart again, Bruce had managed to move to his knees with hands rested on Tony's shoulders while Tony's right leg had uncrossed and his hands held tightly to Bruce's shirt near his waist.

"I love you," Tony breathed the words heavily as he inclined his head slightly to rest their foreheads together. "So much. _So much_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Sorry I lightly angsted. I really, really want to keep this entire series ridiculously light-hearted and fluffy (I picked the wrong OTP then clearly), but it will be sprinkled here and there to underline the more emotionally resonant moments like the last scene that I want to include here and there as well.  
> 2\. Pizza is a nod to Lucky from the Hawkeye comics, but the backstory is obviously fabricated with no canonical inspiration beyond Hawkeye having a dog.


	2. Guide To: Whiny Puppies (and Boyfriends and Hypothetical Children)

**Guide To: Whiny Puppies (and Boyfriends and Hypothetical Children)**

"Bruuuce," Tony groaned and shifted his head until his pillow rested over it.

"Yes, Tony, I can hear it," Bruce mumbled in response. Of course he could hear it. Bear had been whining off and on at their closed bedroom door for the past week.

" _Bruce_ ," Tony groaned again, even gruffer than before.

"Don't you start whining too," Bruce warned with sleep-rough vocals that he sincerely hoped made him seem a little more intimidating to the engineer beside him.

"I'm putting my foot down on this and opening the damn door," Tony grumbled, pushing himself up off the bed.

Now Bruce groaned as he sat up and squint his eyes in the near dark, trying to focus on the blue light walking toward the door. "Don't, Tony," he grunted. "We've been through this."

Tony huffed and the blue glow stopped its path of motion. "Lights at 20%, JARVIS," he said and then turned back to look at the half naked physicist. "Just one night. _Please_. I need sleep, Bruce. Why are you suddenly discouraging me from trying to sleep?"

Bruce sighed and his head fell back on his shoulders. "It's never _just one_ _night_ , Tony. You give in once and he'll think that whining got him what he wanted. So he'll keep doing it. It'll become a learned behavior. And I told you I don't want him thinking that he can sleep on our bed whenever he wants. We're not kids. It's not cute at our age to have the dog at the foot of the bed every night."

"Well, _he's_ kind of like a kid, right? Would you not let our kids come into the room if they were crying at the door?"

Bruce blinked several times in disbelief. As far as he could tell, Tony was being genuine. Nonsensical, but genuine.

"Seriously?" He did his best impression of incredulity, but his sleep deprivation made it a little difficult and he just looked slightly ridiculous instead.

"Yes, seriously," Tony responded, folding his arms. "That would be extremely cruel. Didn't know you'd be that kind of dad." He actually seemed hurt, if his accusatory tone was any indication.

"Tony, it's like 3 a.m. and-"

 _3:43, sir,_ JARVIS intoned.

Bruce wasn't exactly grateful for the more precise information as he scrubbed his face.

"Okay. It's nearly _4 a.m._ and I'm tired and Bear has been howling for hours so we're not doing the daddy issues thing right now. Besides, a kid is not the same as a dog." He closed his eyes and focused his tired thoughts so that he could form coherent sentences. "If our hypothetical kid was crying, it would be because something was wrong. Obviously I would be concerned. If it was only a play for attention, which is probably what Bear is doing at the moment, then we'd first need to get to the bottom of why they were feeling the need to act out and then teach them that it's not okay to get out of bed and disturb daddies while they're sleeping. That's the kind of dad I'd be."

He opened his eyes again and saw that Tony's previous expression had softened. Before, he'd been looking at him as though Bruce had betrayed him somehow; now, he looked at him with overwhelming reverence that caused Bruce's own face to soften.

"He stopped," Tony whispered.

"Probably because we're up and talking," Bruce reasoned.

"So… hypothetically it's an anxiety thing?" Bruce furrowed his brow and saw that Tony's look had turned calculating. "Jeez, we're idiots. That makes sense, right? I mean he was only just separated from his litter and plopped into a strange place. He hasn't adjusted yet. He's having separation anxiety."

"Huh." A smile crossed Bruce's face before he could stop it. "Yeah, that makes sense. It can still become a learned behavior," he added warningly, "but I guess you're right about him being like a kid. We should have tried to get to the bottom of the issue instead of ignoring it."

"So what now?"

Bruce pushed out of bed, hauled up the quilt and walked over to Tony. "Come on, you," he said as playfully as he could manage while still being exhausted.

"Where?"

"We need to sleep, but letting him in here still isn't the solution. So we're going to sleep on the couch until we're rested enough to figure something else out. Let's go," he nodded tiredly toward the door and trudged toward it.

Bear immediately bounced around and wagged his tail at the sight of them and, proving he didn't care so much about being in the bedroom as he did being with the two scientists, he followed Bruce while Tony shut the door behind them. Bruce petted the puppy several times as he sat down on the couch and waited for Tony to come along. He had apparently stopped and turned back to put on a shirt.

"Spoon or-?" Tony started to ask when he joined him finally.

"Can I sleep on you?" Bruce asked before he could suggest other positions. It was maybe a little ungraceful, but in his defense he was still tired and sleeping sprawled out on top of Tony was one of his favorite positions and he was inhibited enough to jump at the opportunity.

"As if I could say no," Tony responded, pulling him into a sweet and very lazy kiss - they were simply too tired for anything more at this point. "Okay. Sleep now," Tony then said as he pulled away.

He laid down first and then, once he was comfortable, Bruce settled down on top of him, pulling the quilt over them as he did. Tony's arms rested on his back and Bruce nuzzled into the crook of his neck, his right arm falling off the couch where Bear immediately found his hand. Bruce petted him a few times more before the puppy curled up against the hand, seemingly pleased by their company.

"Hey, Bruce," Tony mumbled before Bruce could drift off.

"Yeah?"

"Still don't get it… Why can't he sleep... with us? Why… isn't it cute?" His voice was soft and genuinely confused and he sounded on the verge of drifting off as well.

Bruce smiled and then the smile turned into a giggle that could definitely be blamed on the lack of rest. "Have to kick him out every time."

"Every time?" It took Tony a moment to catch up. " _Oh_." He practically giggled as well. "Beautiful genius," he murmured before they both fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was loosely inspired by a real life conversation two of my friends once had regarding whether or not it would be weird/a mood killer to have to kick the dog out every time the mood strikes in the middle of the night/early morning. I though to myself since Bruce and Tony have all kinds of messed up sleeping habits (and since the Stark libido is out of control ahaha) it could definitely be an issue that would come up idk.


	3. Guide To: Long Walks (Or Runs) In The Park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a bad morning. So here have a dash of nauseating fluff (with a hint of plot set up for a one shot in the series I'm working on).

**Guide To: Long Walks (Or Runs) In The Park**

"I like this," Tony broke their companionable silence.

Bruce hummed contentedly. "That so?"

"Yeah. Strange, right? Tony Stark walking a dog through the park, hand in hand with his, frankly, very hot boyfriend and totally enjoying it. When did this happen? When did you corrupt me?" He glanced sideways at Bruce with a teasing smile.

" _I_ corrupted _you_?" Bruce asked with a small laugh. "I was going to run back to India. You're the one who seduced me. I seem to recall one of your first questions being what color curtains I wanted in my personal apartment. You must have been riding the domesticity train long before I came along."

"Okay, okay. How about we meet in the middle and agree I climbed aboard the domesticity train ten minutes after we met?"

"Deal." Bruce nodded. "And I like it too. In case you were wondering."

"Me being domestic or being domestic with me?"

"Both," Bruce answered with a wry smile, giving Tony's hand a gentle squeeze.

They walked on in more silence, the fading chill of winter adding a slight nip to the air in the waning afternoon sun. This turned into conversation about the mansion as well as Tony asking if they could head out to Malibu at the end of the month.

Tony then began to mention something else when suddenly his arm was jerked forward unexpectedly as Bear bolted. Tony tripped forward a little and before he could regain his hold Bear ripped the leash from his hands.

"Bear, get back here!" Tony called and then noticed Bruce had already started after him. He quickly followed, immediately glad that he still had good stamina. And Bruce too. Bruce had amazing stamina.

They chased him down the path until the puppy came to a stop outside the dog park and Bruce was able to grab his leash again, breathing heavily as he did. Once Tony caught up a short moment later, he immediately picked up Bear and then placed a hand at the base of Bruce's neck to steady him, looking him in the eyes as he did.

"You okay? Look, Bear's fine. You got him." He hoisted Bear up higher so he was level with Bruce's face. "We've got him right here."

Bruce could only nod for a moment as he scrubbed one of Bear's ears and breathed in and out steadily. "I'm fine," he finally said. "I was… That is, we got a little worried is all," he explained not that Tony hadn't guessed already.

"I wonder what set him off," Tony said after a moment, looking around until his eyes fell on the dog obedience class that was taking place nearby.

"Dog whistle," Bruce said as he followed Tony's gaze.

"Huh. Maybe we should sign him up for obedience school too," Tony considered. "Here," he handed Bear over to Bruce and then moved to grab one of the brochures in the nearby sign. He flipped through it, skimming the details quickly. "Looks like the next program begins in May and they're reportedly the highest rated in the area. I'll have JARVIS look into it."

"Sounds good." Bruce nodded. After they'd both caught their breath, they turned back toward home, Bruce continuing to carry Bear as though he didn't want to let go. "So, uh, what were you going to say?"

"Hmm?" Tony furrowed his brow.

"Before Bear took off. You were going to say something," Bruce reminded him. 

"Oh. Right. Uh, so I booked the Guggenheim for the team's third year anniversary. Too much?"

Bruce blinked. "Maybe. Why?"

"It's…" Tony started, but hesitated. "It just seems like a big deal. I mean, it would be open to the public since everybody went through it. Thought we could celebrate the men and women who helped us. And do a charity drive. That sort of thing. Then we can have a little exclusive event later in the evening in one of the rooms. What… What do you think?" Tony's gabbling came to an end and he stopped and looked tentatively at Bruce.

"You're seriously asking me if I'm okay with an event dedicated to more than just the team? Tony, that's a pretty good idea. And I can tell you've been thinking about this for a while, haven't you?" Bruce asked with a knowing smile.

A soft smile ghosted across Tony's lips and he nodded. "Yeah, I really have."

Bruce finally set Bear down on the ground and took hold of his leash again before looping his arm with Tony's and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Then, I think you should do it. I'm sure it'll be great."

"Well, I hope so anyway," Tony said as they continued their walk back to the tower. "At the very least, I'll get to see you in a tux again," he then added teasingly.

"Oh, so it'll be black tie then?"

Tony flashed him a sideways smile. "You know we should probably settle this right now. Whenever I have an excuse to throw a party you're going to be at, it's going to be black tie, babe. Deal breaker?"

"Tony," Bruce said as seriously as he could manage in spite of the humor underlying his tone. "The first week I moved in to the tower you insisted I be fitted for a closet full of suits and a tux. I'm pretty sure the deal would have been broken by now if I hadn't gotten used to it. It's fine. One of your weirder kinks maybe, but fine."

Tony laughed as they leaned into one another while they walked. He shook his head. "It's really a wonder we didn't figure this thing out between us right off the bat."

"Oh and what thing between us are you referring to, Mr. Stark?" Bruce asked casually, coyly and Tony chortled softly.

"Promise you won't laugh, Dr. Banner. But I think I might like-like you," Tony answered conversationally, straight-lipped for all of five seconds before Bruce started laughing and he joined in.

"Well, that's good," Bruce said between chuckles. "I like-like you too, Mr. Stark."


	4. Guide To: Troublesome Behavior

**Guide To: Troublesome Behavior**

In retrospect, Clint probably shouldn't have had his bow and quiver laying on one of the end tables during the team dinner.

"So how's the not-quite-married, but totally permanent dating relationship working out for you guys lately?" Clint asked, making good on his promise to drop subtle hints. Tony glared at him because that wasn't at all subtle. "Does having the pup around change the routine?"

Bruce looked at him like he was a little crazy. "Well, it's an adjustment if that's what you mean. He's kind of like having a kid."

"That right?" Clint asked with a smirk. "Because when he gets big enough he can help babysit your real kids."

"Or he can babysit you," Bruce countered with his own smirk and everyone laughed except Clint. "But seriously, I think you're missing one key detail in that statement. There are no real kids to babysit."

Clint shrugged. "Not now maybe."

"Okay, so anyone want to tell me when Clint finally lost his mind?" Bruce asked with a raised eyebrow. Tony snorted beside him.

Clint held up his hands defensively. "Look, I'm just sayin' we all know you wanna have Stark's kids and he wants to have yours. When you're ready, I know a place."

"Every single aspect of that statement makes me feel uncomfortable," Steve said from the end of the table.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tony suddenly spoke up. "I happen to think Bruce here would make a great dad and I'm not _horrible_ with kids." Bruce twisted his head to look at Tony strangely. "What? I'm just making an observation. I won't disagree with the second half because we're not getting our kids from some shady place Legolas can come up with."

"I wasn't aware we were getting kids from any place," Bruce responded.

"Look all I'm saying is dogs are one thing, but a kid?" Steve spoke up again. "I don't think any of us are cut out for that kind of responsibility. And I won't even touch what he said about knowing a place because, honestly, I don't want to know."

"Okay, that's it." Tony stood up angrily. "Nobody said when we joined this little boy band—"

"And Natasha," Clint quipped.

"—that we would be stripped of all our inalienable rights to have some damn children if we want them."

Bruce's head fell into his hand and he craned his neck to look up at Tony through the cracks of his fingers. "Do we need to talk about this?" he asked, voice slightly muffled.

"Don't tell me you agree with him." Tony glowered as he looked down at Bruce and pointed at Steve.

Bruce's hand fell. "I don't know I agree with anyone at this point. I thought we were discussing Bear being like a kid." He shrugged dramatically as he looked around the table before bringing his gaze back to Tony.

"And I think he's trying to tell you he's just fine being an only child," Natasha finally chimed in and they all looked at her in confusion before scanning the open area common room for the puppy.

"Hey!" Clint spotted him immediately, jumped up and ran over to pull away his chewed up quiver and arrows. Tony and Bruce followed.

"Why'd you leave it where he could get to it, Bird Brain?" Tony asked as Bruce swooped up Bear and began inspecting his mouth. "I swear, if he got hurt chewing one of those arrowheads, you can look for a new place to live."

"He doesn't look like he got the heads," Clint placated as he inspected them.

"I don't see any damage," Bruce affirmed. "But now we know if we ever _do_ have kids, Uncle Clint is not babysitting." And his glare was proof enough not to treat that like a joke.

* * *

In retrospect, Steve probably should have dog proofed his apartment before agreeing to puppy sit. 

When Bruce and Tony returned from a daylong conference they went straight to Steve's apartment only to meet with a scowl when Steve opened his door, a trash bag in hand.

"What's wrong, Steve?" Bruce was the first to ask. Tony just gave him a strange look.

Steve let them in, but didn't answer. They found Bear's large bag of dog food ripped open and strewn all across his kitchen and living room. There was also a turned over trash receptacle with the contents spread all over the place as well.

"What the hell, Steve?" Tony looked around with wide eyes and then turned them on the super soldier.

As for Bruce he hurried over to where Bear was lying on his bed and began rubbing his tummy and checking his responsiveness, which was barely any at all. "He's sick," Bruce said looking up at Tony.

"Yeah, found that out the hard way too," Steve finally spoke, though it was more of a mumble.

"What happened?" Tony pressed for an answer as he went over and knelt beside his dog as well.

"I just went to the bathroom," Steve said in earnest, shaking his head.

"Well, somebody was a naughty boy then wasn't he?" Tony shook his own head as he squeezed one of Bear's paws. He then looked at Bruce. "Is he going to be okay?" 

"Uh, I think so. He'll probably just be a little sick until he digests it. I mean, it'll either come out one end or the other," he said with a wince and Tony grimaced.

 _I have already done a scan of his vitals and the security footage_ , Jarvis intoned. _It does not seem he has ingested anything harmful._

Both geniuses sighed in relief. Then Bruce nodded toward where Steve was trying to clean up.

"Hey, Cap, I can bring up one of the bots to do that," Tony offered and met with another scowl from Steve.

"Or I have a broom you can use to help," Steve countered.

Tony sighed again, rolled his eyes, but followed Bruce's lead in helping Steve clean up the mess Bear had caused.

"I guess the trash can is on me for not considering it, but I honestly didn't know he would get into the food or else I would have put it up somewhere," Steve said after a moment.

Bruce and Tony shared a look and then laughed simultaneously. "Yeah," Bruce said, regaining his composure before Tony, "we haven't been able to keep the food anywhere near the floor for weeks."

"What happens when he gets big enough to get to it in places not near the floor?" Steve asked skeptically.

"Huh." Tony stopped what he was doing and looked at Bruce. "We should probably look into that now before it becomes a problem." Bruce agreed emphatically.

* * *

In retrospect, Natasha probably shouldn't have broken her rule to never be left alone with the puppy.

When she came back from getting a drink she caught Bear in the act of stealing her sandwich from the table, having climbed up onto one of the chairs to get to it.

She narrowed her eyes, said a few choice words in Russian, and told JARVIS to tell the idiots to come get their dog and make her a new sandwich.

* * *

In retrospect, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Bruce and Tony got caught up in one of their labs and forgot that they had a puppy.

_Sirs, I believe it is imperative to remind you that Bear has been alone in your apartment for going on nine hours and appears to be taking it out on your furniture._

The geniuses' eyes widened and they turned to look at each other in sync before bolting toward the elevator.

"Oh god. We're horrible parents," Tony said in the ride to their apartment.

"Yep," Bruce agreed, nodding.

"It's, it's like all of our combined fears coming true at once," Tony continued, mumbling as if his mind was a million miles away.

"Yes, thank you, Tony. Got it," Bruce replied uneasily.

"God, Bruce, what if he really was a kid?" Tony ignored him, turning his head to look at the physicist with a serious gaze. "They would take him away. Or he would be hurt. He would never trust us again. Maybe he won't trust us again. What the hell was I thinking? We're not responsible. I'm not responsible. We can't—"

"Tony. Tony!" Bruce shook him out of it. "It'll be fine. These things happen. I'm sure Bear is okay. Nobody's going to take him away."

When they reached the apartment, random emotional breakdowns were forgotten immediately as they viewed the disaster zone that Bear had left in his wake. A lamp was shattered on the floor, the leather couch chewed through, he'd found some books apparently, a pair or two of shoes were done for, the edges of the end tables were gnawed at, and his own bed was his current attack.

"How do poor people handle this?" Tony's asked in a daze.

"Honestly," Bruce paused, "I'm not sure I even know anymore."


	5. Guide To: Getting Dirty

**Guide To: Getting Dirty**

"Bruce is going to kill me," Tony muttered as he looked at the muddy puppy, his hand on his chin in a studious gesture. "Hope I was a good dad while it lasted, Bear because a single-owner home is in your future, little guy."

 _Sir, might I suggest just washing the puppy before Dr. Banner finds out?_ Jarvis asked. _  
_

Tony looked down at his phone and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. Only one problem, J. How am I supposed to get Bear all the way back to the tower and into the tower without leaving any evidence?"

_I do not know that answer, sir. Would you like for me to run multiple scenario simulations?_

Tony's hand fell and he shook his head. "No. Because I'm fairly certain all simulations would render the same result."

_And what is that, sir?_

"The death of Tony Stark at the hands of Bruce Banner. On second thought, strike that. He could probably just cross his arms and glare me to death. What do you think, JARVIS?"

_While I doubt Dr. Banner's desire to kill you over something of this nature, I do believe Captain Rogers warned you not to bring Bear to the construction site._

"That is not helpful at all."

_I am sorry, sir. Perhaps the first step would be to—Sir, you have an incoming call from Dr. Banner._

"Of course I do," Tony said in a wilted tone. "His 'Tony Fucked Something Up Again' senses must be tingling."

"Well, they weren't." Bruce's voice came over the phone and Tony looked down to see his face on the screen. "But now they are," he added with a slight laugh. "So what is it you fucked up this time?"

"JARVIS, I don't believe I said put him through yet," Tony said to the AI.

 _My apologies, sir. It seemed like the best solution to your current problem_ , JARVIS replied.

Bruce laughed again. "Jeez, Tony. What _did_ you do if JARVIS is taking it on himself to alert me?"

Tony sighed and then turned the phone so that Bruce could see the answer for himself.

"So, since I confessed, can I be spared the death penalty or-"

" _Tony_ ," Bruce said sharply and he brought the phone back around to look at his boyfriend. The other man was pinching the bridge of his nose. "Did you take him to the construction zone with you? Please tell me you did not take him to the construction zone with you. I need to hear those words from your mouth, preferably in that order and in the next five seconds."

"Uh, are you still at the market?"

"Yes, I'm still at the market. Don't deflect."

"Hey, I was just asking in case of a, you know, incident. Happy's with you right?"

Bruce glowered at him and it was surprisingly frightening even over the phone. Yep, he was pretty certain death by glare was within the realm of plausibility if Bruce were to really put some effort into it. "You know I'm not going to have an incident over this. But I'm not exactly happy that you took our puppy to a dangerous and obviously very muddy construction zone without telling me."

"He was never in any danger per se…" Tony avoided eye contact.

"You dropped the leash again, didn't you?"

"Ah… I feel like answering that question might nullify my original plea deal." Bruce was glaring when he dared to look at him again. "Yeah, okay. But it was only for five or so minutes and Arthur and some of the other crew were good about it. He's not hurt, just muddy."

Bruce let out an almost record-breaking long sigh. "Alright. Call the spa. See if they can squeeze him in sometime in the next two hours or so. I'll just finish up here and then I'll grab some towels and plastic for the car. See you shortly. And don't let him get any dirtier if it's at all possible."

"Can I get dirty?" Tony tried to lighten the mood.

"Oh, you will," Bruce said in an even tone. "Because you'll be the one cleaning him off with the towels."

* * *

Tony sent a text to JARVIS as he and Bruce came into their apartment, both covered in dried mud. They had dropped Bear off at the spa, but had returned home to get clean themselves.

_Dr. Banner, may I inquire how long you plan on giving Mr. Stark the silent treatment?_

Bruce turned and looked at Tony with a raised eyebrow and expression that said, "Really, Tony?" Tony had learned early on how to read that expression without words.

"Well, you wouldn't answer me," Tony responded with a shrug. "Look, Bruce I- I am sorry, honest. I didn't mean to…"

Bruce narrowed his eyes. "Didn't mean to? Tony, you tackled me to the ground and Bear wasn't even anywhere nearby at that point. And then you kissed me instead of apologizing right off. How the hell can you say you didn't mean to?"

Tony clicked his teeth together a few times. "Yeah, but… Okay, I did mean to. But it was for a very good reason, honest."

Bruce sighed. "Stop saying honest or I'm going to tie you up and force you to listen to the story of _The Boy Who Cried Wolf_ on repeat."

Tony just smirked, which was probably not the best reaction at the moment, but he couldn't quite help himself. "You had me at you tying me up."

Bruce rolled his eyes, but then suddenly there was a flicker of understanding in them and he looked at Tony in disbelief. "You want to have mud sex now? Seriously?"

Tony laughed nervously. "Well, there was mud and you were running around getting all sweaty and, okay, not _sex_. That would probably be gross and weird for the construction crew, but a little rolling around…"

"You're incorrigible." Bruce turned and began walking towards their bedroom.

"Oh, come on. Don't pretend like it isn't hot. Muddy outdoor foreplay is like, _classic_."

"Not in the middle of a construction zone when you're trying to chase down your muddy dog to get him to the spa on time."

"Fair point, but it was just a little overwhelming. I had the whole fantasy and then my brain kind of went on the fritz for a mome-"

Tony's words were cut off as soon as he came into the bedroom and was pulled into a heated kiss.

"Like I said, you're incorrigible," Bruce said when he pulled back. "Now come on."

Tony blinked a few times, but then followed Bruce to their en suite. His brain had another spasm when Bruce turned on the shower and only took off his shoes and socks before stepping in.

"Uh… Why are you...?"

Bruce gave him a coy smile and Tony didn't argue any further. He simply took off his shoes and socks and hurried to join the already wet and once again muddied man.

* * *

_24 hours later_

Bruce considered for about three seconds turning back around and heading for the lab he came from. Then he realized that would just give Tony and Bear a chance to make an even bigger mess. So he took a breath and calmly walked over to the kitchen.

He cleared his throat and Tony startled, spinning in place. The engineer guiltily glanced around the mess of a kitchen and at the flour saturated puppy, who practically matched his guilty owner, as if calculating if it was worth it to try and save face.

"Tony, what are you doing?" Bruce asked in exasperation.

"I'm, uh, I'm making a cake. I think."

Bruce pursed his lips and nodded. "Okay. Follow-up question. Why?"

"A bet with Clint."

Bruce sighed. "And you thought that was a good idea? What are you even betting him?"

"Just the usual." Tony shrugged. "Loser has to do the other's paperwork after the next mission."

"Well, that's a relief," Bruce said with a snort, but then his amusement fell slightly again when he pointedly looked down at Bear and then pointedly back up at Tony, eyebrows raising when he met Tony's gaze. "What did you do, pour it on him?"

"Dumped. I believe the word is dumped. Or spilled. Basically anything synonymous with that which doesn't imply intent," Tony answered. "So should I call the spa again?"

Bruce shook his head as he stepped past Bear so he could take a closer look at Tony's attempt at baking. "We just took him, Tony. _Yesterday_. Even you have to admit that's a little ridiculous," he said.

"Yeah, okay. A little," Tony agreed with a nod.

"So finish up whatever…" Bruce bit back a snicker as he gestured at the mess. "…that is." He turned back and looked at Tony.

"It's a cake," Tony said with a frown, but then looked back at his work and winced. "I think."

"A for effort," Bruce consoled, still trying not to laugh. "Okay so finish up and then we'll give him a bath."

"That should be interesting."

"Like your cake," Bruce said with a wry smile as he pecked Tony's floury lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be publishing things in this verse, including one shots, for the next week so just a fair warning about potential inbox spam :3 And for fair warning of overdose of saccharine gooey cracky fluff.


	6. Guide To: Sit, Stay, Speak (Or On Second Thought)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my day has been awful so far. So I thought, "Hey self? Know what you need? To write something so fluffy with a side of crack that you go into a sugar coma."

**Guide To: Sit, Stay, Speak (Or On Second Thought)**

"Alright, Bear, lie down." Bruce had a clicker in one hand and a treat in the other. Bear did as commanded and received a click and treat in response. "Good boy!" Bruce also rubbed his head.

After all of the troubling behavior, Tony had called the breeder – who had laughed slightly and said good temperament didn't mean puppies wouldn't be puppies if you spoiled them too much and didn't keep up on their training – and then they had decided not to wait until his obedience classes to work on clicker training. It seemed especially like a good idea since they were flying out to Malibu in a few days and taking Bear with them, and some obedience skills could come in handy. They had spent some time crate training him too since he would have to be in his carrier for takeoff and landing.

Bear was an expert at sit and stay by now, much to everyone's relief, having been taught those commands a little by the breeder. Heel was what they were most looking forward to since their hope was for him not to have to be constantly on a harness when he was as big as them – especially since Tony had promised the Hulk that at some point when Bear was trained enough they could move to playing with him outside of the Hulk room, most likely on the large property the Avengers Mansion sat on.

"How's our little genius doing?" Tony asked excitedly as he came over to them. Bear immediately got up, wagging his tail, and tried to climb Tony's legs. "Sit," Tony said. Bear did. Bruce made a click and Bear turned his head expectantly for the treat. "That's a good boy," Tony said as he scrubbed Bear's ears before sitting down on the couch beside Bruce.

"Alright, I think it's about time he goes back in his crate for a little while," Bruce said after a few moments.

Tony gave an over the top pout. "But I just got here."

Bruce smiled and shook his head. "He needs to get some more in while we're here. We have that luncheon thing with the mayor at 1 remember?"

Tony replied with a real pout at that. "Yeah, I know. You keep reminding me."

"Because if I don't you'll conveniently forget," Bruce teased. "And it's not like I'm looking forward to going either." He then shrugged. "I'm actually a little nervous since he only wants to talk to the two of us."

"Probably just wants to keep the world's greatest power couple on his good side," Tony said with a broad smile.

"Power couple, huh?" Bruce raised his brow in playful question.

"Oh yeah. Brad and Angie can eat their hearts out. We're a power couple on every level," Tony replied with a nod and leaned in to seal the notion with a kiss.

"Only we have a dog instead of half a dozen kids," Bruce said in humor against Tony's lips before they connected again.

"Well, we could probably change that. Legolas knows a place apparently," Tony countered. "Also, the Avengers are kind of already our kids so there's that." Bruce chortled in agreement right before they deepened the kiss.

 _Sirs, Thor has returned and is requesting to come up,_ JARVIS interrupted.

"So much for crate training," Bruce said with a sigh and Tony looked at him bemused as if to say 'that's what's being interrupted here?'

"He's already pretty good about it. I'm sure we can squeeze in some time later," Tony said reassuringly. "Or Steve can sit with him while he's in his crate maybe. We'll figure it out. Let him in, J."

A few moments later the penthouse's private elevator pinged open and Thor entered, dressed in his Asgardian garb. He hadn't been on Earth since the previous fall so the demigod's eyes went straight to the puppy in surprise. Bear took several steps back and tilted his head questioningly.

"Wow, Bruce. Thor is more intimidating than Hulk," Tony muttered with humor.

"Maybe it’s the sixth sense thing?" Bruce looked at him with a raised brow.

"You have acquired a puppy since I last was able to be here," Thor said with a wide smile that matched the sparkle of his jovial eyes. Then he uttered a language that made Tony and Bruce look strangely at one another when Bear bounded over to him.

"What the hell did you just say?" Tony looked suspiciously at the god of thunder. "You better not have put some kind of voodoo Asgardian spell on our dog because I swear—"

Thor looked up from where he was knelt down petting Bear. "I assure you I only commanded him to come in the common tongue of beasts."

Both geniuses blinked owlishly and looked at each other and then back at Thor. "That's a thing?" Bruce asked with a skeptical tone that matched the expression on Tony's face.

"It is. All animals have one common tongue they can understand and communicate with," Thor explained.

"I… I don't know if I'm comfortable with that," Bruce said, already looking uncomfortable as proof of his statement.

"Wait," Tony held up a hand. "So you're saying if he were to bark or something right now, you would understand him?"

"If I were to tune my ear to him, yes," Thor said with an easy nod as if not in the process of breaking the two geniuses' brains. "I am omnilingual."

"And so you could ask him if he likes us?" Tony then ventured tentatively.

"Ah…" Bruce licked his lips and then carefully shook his head. He looked at Tony. "I don't know if I'd want that. I mean, that's… That's a bit strange. I don't know if I could handle it. What if he said no? And just knowing that dogs can understand…" He waved his hand a little as his sentence trailed.

"Well, they do not understand your tongue by default," Thor said as he picked up Bear and stood. "They can sense your intentions and other such things, but they must learn your language through your Midgardian training techniques. On Asgard, we are able to train our creatures through the common tongue. Although that is not to say they do not still have wills of their own."

"Okay, I'm going to go shower for the luncheon," Bruce said without segue way. "This is just too weird for me." He stood and promptly left the room.

Tony looked back and forth between the direction Bruce had gone and Thor, eyes dark and curious. "You wish me to ask Bear your question," Thor said knowingly.

Tony blinked, returning from his thoughts. "Uh, I understand why I shouldn't. Bruce makes a good point. But I'm a little nervous sometimes that I'm not good at…" Tony paused and then gestured all around. "…this whole taking care of a living creature thing." He sighed.

There was silence for a moment, Thor wearing a pensive expression. Then he looked at Bear and began speaking in the common tongue again. Tony's eyes went wide when Bear began to bark softly as well as make other gentle canine sounds.

"Okay, yeah. Bad idea. You can just—" Tony started to panic, but Thor held up a hand to still his protests as he moved closer.

"I shared with him your concerns. He wishes you to know that you need not worry. He senses that the hearts of those who care for him are open and filled with love."

Tony stared long and hard as if unable to move or speak. Finally he held out his arms for Bear and Thor gently passed the puppy to his owner. Bear immediately began licking Tony's face and then gave a small bark.

"I don't think I need a translation for that," Tony said with a smile. "We love you too, Bear."


	7. Guide To: Long Walks (And Unusual Talks) On The Beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of supplementary filler, with not a lot of Bear, because it's a very small bit that takes place some time during the events of _Be My Forever_ , but got cut from that piece for flow purposes. You don't need to have read that fic first to understand it.

**Guides To: Long Walks (And Unusual Talks) On The Beach**

"See, isn't this so much better than walking in Central Park?" Tony asked with a slight smirk as he and Bruce walked along a stretch of mostly secluded beach near the Malibu mansion.

"Well, Central Park has its nuances," Bruce said thoughtfully as Bear tugged a little on his leash, yanking the physicist's arm awkwardly as they walked. "But, yeah, this is nicer. It's quieter."

"It's warmer," Tony added immediately and Bruce snorted.

"That too. But you know my body temperature is slightly higher so it's not as bad." Bruce hitched the shoulder Bear wasn't trying to rip from its socket. He suddenly stopped in his tracks and said, "Stay."

Bear stopped in his track as well. Tony pressed the clicker in his pocket and Bruce pulled a treat out of his pocket to give the puppy. They waited a few minutes for Bear to calm down a little and for Bruce to rest his arm.

"But yes I do know about that hot body of yours," Tony said, picking up the previous conversation.

Bruce laughed. "Oh, you were just itching to say that weren't you?" He teased as they started walking again.

"It was literally on the tip of my tongue the whole time," Tony said with a smile. He then leaned in a little as they walked side by side. "Incidentally, I would like to have the tip of my tongue on that hot body of yours right now," he said, voice pitched in the way that wasn't for the faint of heart.

"Tempting," Bruce said with a smile. "But beach sex is a crime if you get caught, Tony and I don't particularly want to be registered as a sex offender."

"Well, it wouldn't be illegal if we were on my private island," Tony said as he straightened back up.

Bruce snorted and shook his head. "But we aren't on your private island. So let's not take any chances."

"No, no. I know. But we should definitely go visit my private island," He suggested casually. "You've only seen it that one time the whole team took a vacation. And we weren't even together yet so it was a wasted opportunity."

Bruce nodded slightly and rubbed his free hand at his chin. He had a faraway look in his eyes for a moment. "You're right because I already wanted you pretty bad by that point."

Tony's face lit up. "Okay, yeah, we're definitely visiting my island at some point. And this time, no team. Just you, me and hot island sex. Like all of the island sex. It will literally be Pleasure Island." He gave Bruce a sideways glance no less impish than if it were head on.

Bruce hummed noncommittally, but it was tinged with longing. "We'll have to at least wait until after the mansion is complete. Probably wouldn't be good to just run out on that."

"Technically we could pack up and be there by tomorrow if we wanted to be and if I wasn't so busy with planning the Avengers Charity thing and all that." Tony went silent for a long moment, Bruce glancing at him curiously. "But yeah maybe sometime after the mansion. I like that idea. It's a date, Bruce."

Bruce smiled softly for a moment, but then it turned up into a smirk. "Although it's a sort of degenerate date."

"Best kind," Tony replied breezily. "But if we keep talking about this I'm at least going to need to recreate _From Here To Eternity_ with you in approximately 3.7 seconds, give or take for margin of error."

"Yeah, because that would be romantic while holding on to a dog harness," Bruce responded dryly. Then his tone became gentle. "But, uh, I don't think that would be a good idea since you don't like to swim."

"I think under those circumstances I could handle a little tide, Bruce," Tony countered.

"Tony, you won't even do anything but wade or lounge in your own pool," Bruce said seriously. "And that's perfectly fine. I'm honestly thinking of you. I wouldn't want you to…" His mouth hung open for a second before he closed it quickly.

"What?" Tony looked at him curiously.

"I was going to say…" Bruce looked sheepish. "I wouldn't want you to get in over your head," he mumbled.

Tony barked out a laugh. "Well, yeah, I guess that would be the technical way of explaining the problem," he said with a nod. "But hey that reminds me, we haven't actually had pool sex yet," Tony said it in a tone that suggested it was a grievous oversight.

Bruce rolled his eyes. "You know, when you said let's have a romantic walk on the beach at sunset, I didn't expect us to mostly just spend the time talking about our sex life. We could have stayed home and done that," the physicist quipped as they came to a stop at the end of the beach.

"This isn't foreplay?" Tony asked innocently.

"Not really, dear, no," Bruce answered with a shake of his head. "I mean, as much as I love your mile a minute talk even when you've got a one track mind I think foreplay would have been exactly as was advertised: a romantic walk on the beach at sunset. You, me, holding hands, gentler conversation maybe, that sort of thing."

"Maybe I was saving it for the return trip," Tony said with a smirk and a shrug. "Maybe this was the first round and that'll be the second."

Bruce laughed, but let Tony entwine a hand with his free one just the same. "I don't buy that for a minute."

Tony laughed next. "Good, because you shouldn't. But I agree your idea is better." He nodded and then leaned in and gave Bruce a gentle kiss.

Then Bruce's arm was yanked suddenly and they both looked to see Bear had plopped down and was rolling around in the sand. They both shared a laugh at that and let him have some fun before they started back home.

And this time the mood _was_ much more romantic with the sky burned orange and the sound of waves lapping against the shore serenading them as they walked hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first started writing this scene in the other story it actually started out with the intention of being a way more romantic bit - just as I'm sure Bruce imagined lol. Then Tony kept jumping around in my brain going "HEY MAN BRUCE AND I ARE _ON A BEACH_ AND I CAN'T HELP MYSELF RIGHT NOW" so it derailed into Tony being Tony. [insert Bruce's fond exasperated sigh here] Which is why it felt out of place there. And meanwhile Bear was barking at me like, "Hey I thought I was the star of these stories!" because he's a bit of an attention seeker like one of his fathers. (Disclaimer: I'm not crazy, just a writer haha.) 
> 
> So I hope it's cute enough filler. By the way, somewhere Marvel's version of ONTD is making a walking post of Bruce and Tony between this and the Central Park chapter.


	8. Guide To: Training Your Bear-Dog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adorable Hulk to the fluffy max. You've been warned. Also this chapter and beyond is post Be My Forever.

**Guide To: Training Your Bear-Dog**

It had been Tony's idea of course. Bruce had blinked a few times as he processed it, but then he had agreed it made sense.

Bear was half way through his obedience course and well on his way to becoming quite the clever canine. He was also starting to get bigger since he was now six months old so the timing couldn't be better. Since much of the training was still done by Bruce and Tony at home, per the instructions and guidance given by the obedience school, Tony had out of the blue suggested that on the Hulk's next outing he should learn some of the commands just in case – but mostly because it would be great fun.

Bruce had agreed on the principle it would make good on the promise that Bear was also Hulk's dog and on Tony's 'just in case' principle. While the obedience trainer had promised most dogs would be able to be given more freedom and would likely come when called or not stray far under normal circumstances, normal circumstances for the Avengers wasn't quite the same. It made sense for Hulk to know, hopefully, how to get Bear to respond should the circumstance come up.

So when the time came, they made their way to the Hulk room and Bruce triggered the transformation. Tony smiled, as he always did, when Bear waited patiently without any command from Tony for Hulk to emerge and then happily bounded over to his _other_ other owner.

"Bear-dog happy to see Hulk," he said, pleased, and if he could beam, the Hulk likely would. "Hulk happy to see Bear-dog."

"Just Bear then? Not happy to see me, Big Guy?" Tony asked in mock offense.

"Not everything about Tony," Hulk said with a gruff puff of air that was basically his sighing in exasperation. He then found the cloth ball they kept in the room and tossed it with surprising gentleness toward the other side of the large room for Bear to go fetch, a game the puppy had already known how to play when they first got him.

Tony gasped melodramatically. "Not everything about...? Okay that's crazy talk. You've been taking the wrong notes from Bruce clearly. I mean I guess I should have known you'd get bored with me sooner or later. But I hate to break it to you, buddy. I'm marrying your squishier half remember? So you're stuck with boring, old me for the foreseeable future." And Tony couldn't help the slightly goofy grin that spread across his face as he mentioned it.

Hulk gave the engineer a look that practically said 'do you ever stop?' Then Hulk said as much, "Tony talk and talk."

Tony laughed, coming out of his momentary reverie and focusing back on Hulk. "Yeah I guess I do. So how much have you been picking up from Bruce lately, Big Guy? Do you know what we're gonna do today?"

Tony smiled when Hulk's face went blank for a moment, a sure sign that he was trying to find the answer from Bruce's subconscious. Then he got the look and gave the nod that indicated Bruce himself had pushed forward the memory when Hulk reached for it. "Train Bear-dog."

"You got it. Sound like fun?" Tony asked as he pulled out treats and the clicker. He waited for Bear to return with the ball and plop it down in front of Hulk. "Okay, Big Guy, here's how it works. Sometimes we want Bear to do something to be good or maybe we want him to do a trick. With me so far?"

Hulk scowled. "Hulk not stupid."

Tony laughed. "You're right. You're not. You're definitely not. Okay, so since we're still training him we still have to use this clicker." Tony held up the device. "It's a little too big for your thumbs, sorry buddy. But when you tell Bear to do something and he does it right, I'll click it. It makes a noise, but it's not harmful okay? It doesn't hurt Bear or you or me. It just tells him that he did the trick right. Then I'll give him a treat and you can encourage him by saying—"

"Good Bear-dog," Hulk grunted, sounding a little impatient by Tony's instructions.

"Yes, exactly," Tony affirmed, not thinking anything of it. "So are you ready? Want to try?

Hulk nodded and then looked at Bear. He looked considering for a moment and then said, "Bear-dog, roll over."

Bear cocked his head and Hulk looked at Tony in confusion. "That's okay," Tony reassured him. "He's just never heard you say one of the commands before. The team got the same response at first. Try again until he understands that you want him to listen."

Hulk looked at Bear again. "Roll over." Bear cocked his head again. "Roll over, Bear-dog." Finally Bear seemed to get the point and slowly lay down and rolled over. Tony gave a click and then threw a treat toward him when he got back up, Bear catching it in his mouth. "Good, Bear-dog. Good," Hulk followed through with the verbal praise. Tony couldn't help but be amused by how it sounded coming from the creature even he had once called a rage monster.

"Great job!" Tony cheered. "Okay, here's one of my favorites. I've just gotta show you before we do anything else." He hurried closer to Bear and held up a treat. "Sit. Good boy." He placed the treat on Bear's nose. "Leave it. Leave it. Good boy." Then Tony smiled wide. "Get the treat!" Bear immediately twisted his head and ate the treat. Tony gave a click and then scrubbed his ears. "Good boy!"

Hulk gave an amused rumble of laughter. "Smart Bear-dog."

"Very smart," Tony agreed. "Okay, okay. Let's get back to helping him obey your commands."

Hulk gave a smile in welcome to that idea and soon he led Bear through a cycle of commands and tricks. Bear responded immediately to sit. He took two tries to stay before the next time he stayed without question. He managed to lie down without trouble as well as come.

"You know why we're doing this, Big Green?" Tony asked after they'd done enough training for the time being. Hulk looked at him expectantly for the answer. "Bruce and I think it's important just in case you need to get him to listen to you for his own protection. Never know what could happen and it's a way of keeping him safe. If for some reason it's ever just you and Bear and you need him to come or stay or something like that, it's important he understands what you need him to do to be safe." Tony looked carefully at Hulk for his response.

Hulk looked at Bear and nodded. "Good. Hulk protect Bear-dog," he said, very clearly just as pleased by the logic of that as Bruce had been. Tony had to smile, knowing once again they were on the same page in their shared psych when it came to Bear.

"Okay, one more. A trick just for fun," Tony said with a clap of his hands. "Hulk, lay your hand out on the ground with the palm up like this." Hulk looked at him curiously as Tony demonstrated, but did so anyway. "Now tell him to high five," Tony said softly although Bear's ears still went alert at the command.

Hulk looked at Tony and then at Bear like he was dubious. "High five," he said. Bear cocked his head and looked back at Tony as if in slight confusion at who he was supposed to high five. "High five," Hulk said again.

Then seeming to understand Bear carefully looked down at Hulk's colossal hand before placing his still tiny in comparison paw against the green palm. Tony clicked the clicker and Bear immediately moved to get the treat that followed. As for Hulk, his primitive smile was full of amusement and wonder and Tony gladly returned it with a wide smile of his own.

The engineer was quick to consider this one of his better ideas.


	9. Guide To: Pet Photography

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place before the GMA scene in _Baby, Let's Plan On Forever_. Peter in this verse is college/university freshman age, headcanon whichever actor you want, and has already established a relationship with the Avengers, particularly with Bruce and Tony as his sort of mentors thus his comfortable repertoire with them. It's also open ended on whether or not he has organic web or web shooters so you can headcanon as you like :)

**Guide To: Pet Photography**  


"Thanks again for agreeing to do this, Peter," Bruce said to the young man as he stood in their apartment with his camera bag over one shoulder and a camera stand in hand. "It helps us keep down on our outside sources."

"Are you kidding, Dr. Banner?" Peter looked at him with an incredulous grin. "Do you know how much Mr. Stark offered to pay me?" Bruce turned a raised eyebrow toward Tony where he sat on the couch. "I mean, uh," Peter coughed, "that and I'm a huge fan of course. You know how much I love your work in radiation and chemistry. And Mr. Stark's work in..." Peter narrowed his eyes. "What is it you do again?"

"Quips like that are grounds for docking your final pay," Tony said with a playful smirk, pointing at him as he stood up and walked over to join them. "It's in your contract."

"I'm kidding," Peter said. "You've radically changed the world. I'd be lost without my Starkphone." This time Tony's eyes narrowed. "I mean, true I have to work three jobs to afford it, but..."

"That's it. You just lost a grand," Tony said with an airy wave of his hand.

Bruce furrowed his brow and looked back and forth between them. "A grand? How much _are_ you paying him, Tony?"

"Enough for him to fancy himself a comedian apparently," Tony said in non-answer as he gave Peter a mock glare.

"He's basically paying me enough to get me through a whole semester," Peter supplied with an earnest smile.

Bruce's eyebrows shot up for a moment before he looked at Tony. "That's incredibly generous of you."  


"Yeah, yeah," Tony flapped his hand dismissively looking away for a moment before turning his head back. "Now let's see if he can earn it."

"Well, I've gotta be honest," Peter said as he set down his stand and unzipped his camera bag. "Pet photography has never been my strongest area. Although I'm pretty good at taking pictures of spiders, lizards, an octopus every now and then…"

Both Tony and Bruce laughed and shook their heads. "I'm sure it'll be fine," Bruce said as he moved to get a large green pillow they already had on hand for a prop, Tony moving to grab the arc reactor he had proposed with. "Bear's pretty well trained so you shouldn't have too much trouble with him. Before I forget, how's your aunt been lately?"

"Great as always," Peter answered. "She actually baked a casserole for the team. I left it in the communal kitchen on my way up." He then gave a curious look at the reactor in Tony's hand. "Is that a reactor?"

"Yep," Tony answered as he held it reverently in his hands and studied it with a crooked smile. He then looked up and saw Peter's wide eyed study of it from a distance. "You want to look at it or are you just going to stand there gawking?" He asked teasingly.

"Uh, yeah, I'd love to look at it," Peter said with a nod as he finished setting down his camera and lenses on the coffee table. "Are you going to use it as a prop?" He asked curiously as he came over.

"Also yes," Tony answered. "It was part of the proposal so that makes sense, right?"

Peter shrugged as if to say he hadn't a clue before he carefully took the reactor and studied it with scientific appreciation. "Aww," he drawled with harmless snark. "But are you sure you want public photos of it?"

"It's fine," Tony replied. "That's a heavily modified reactor that nobody could possibly backwards engineer into the real thing with a measly photo. I mean, sure they could try, but it wouldn't really work. As I'm sure you can imagine the real one doesn't look like that. Although," Tony paused and looked over at Bruce, "you know, I could actually probably manage that, babe. It would be the neatest tattoo ever." He grinned cheekily.

Bruce shook his head as he came over and stood beside him. "That's a nice sentiment, but it really isn't necessary, dear."

Peter gave them an exaggerated grimace as he handed the reactor back to Bruce, having visited the Avengers enough times by now to know not to hand it to Tony. "Babe? Dear? You guys are such dads."

Tony's eyes widened and he looked at Bruce in slight concern. Bruce just gave a wan but fond smile before looking at Tony. "I'm fine, really, Tony. Are you?" He looked at him with equal concern and Tony nodded minutely.

"Oh, I'm—I'm sorry." Peter looked back and forth between them. "Was that insensitive?"

"No, you're fine, Peter," Bruce reassured before calling Bear to come out from wherever he was hiding, which was likely their bedroom.

"Hey, if this is about you two not being able to have kids, I totally volunteer to be the Stark and Banner heir. I'm sure Aunt May would have no problem whatsoever with that kind of set up." He said it all with a teasing smile and raise of his hands before turning back to his camera. However he paused when Bear came bounding into the room. "Hey, it's the science dog," he said as he hunched down and called him over.

"Science dog," Tony echoed with a snort as he clasped a hand on Bruce's shoulder. "That's a new one."  


* * *

After getting some shots of Bear on the pillow with the arc reactor resting on it with him, which entailed a lot of letting Bear do his own thing while Peter snapped photos at regular intervals in addition to trying and pose him, and a few with Bear wearing it around his neck like he had done at the party, Peter took photo after photo of Bruce and Tony and Bear. He directed them how and where to sit or stand based on the composition of the shot.

After taking a few shots of them lying on each side of Bear on the pillow or with him beside them on the couch, Peter asked them to go about as if it were a normal day and pretend that he wasn't there so he could take shots of them doing random things. 

In doing so he got some photos of them playing with Bear, some of them lounging on the couch with Bear sprawled out across their laps as if he didn't even realize he wasn't exactly a lap dog, not that the geniuses minded his massive size, and some photos of Bruce, Tony and Bear in the kitchen – one in particular was amusing as Bear was caught red handed on his hind legs against the island trying to sniff out the sandwiches that Bruce and Tony were making for lunch for them and Peter.

Rounding out this part of the photo shoot, before breaking for the lunch of sandwiches, Peter also got some of just Bruce and Tony by themselves looking happy and in love and domestic and all the other things that made Peter tease them as he took the photos while Tony sniped back with empty threats of Peter losing more and more of his tuition money.

"You realize I'm on scholarship, right?" Peter said finally after a shot of the two men sharing a sweet kiss.  


"Seriously?" Tony looked at him skeptically. "They gave _you_ a scholarship? I don't believe that," Tony said with a wave of his hand in dismissal, but when Peter rolled his eyes and turned away Tony winked at Bruce because obviously they both knew that. Bruce smiled back at him knowingly.

"Okay, so I had one more shot idea come to me while taking that set," Peter said as he changed his lens. "You two holding the arc reactor between you and Bear sat between you looking up at it if we can manage it. We can even try a few of you leaning in to kiss while you hold out the reactor," he directed.

Tony and Bruce shared a look that made it clear they were impressed by the suggestion. Tony went and grabbed the reactor while Peter directed Bruce where he wanted them. Bruce called Bear over to the general mark.

"Sit," he said and Bear complied. "Good boy. Stay." Bruce moved to stand on one side and Tony came over to the other. "Stay," he said again when Bear looked like he was about to move.

The two men carefully held up the arc reactor between them. Peter studied the composition through the camera on his stand before going over and adjusting the reactor accordingly. He then stepped back over to his camera and started snapping photos.

"Bear," Tony said quickly and the dog looked at him.

"Bear," Bruce said next and he moved his head to look over at his other owner.

After several shots, Peter finally got one that worked - Bruce and Tony leaning in to kiss but with their eyes open and looking down at Bear as he looked up at them curiously.

* * *

"You let him in the lab?" Peter said in confusion as they moved the photoshoot to the geniuses' shared lab after lunch. He watched Bear stroll over to the couch in the corner and hop up onto it without a care. "I mean, I know I called him science dog, but isn't that dangerous?"  


Tony smiled over at Bear as he pulled off his Black Sabbath shirt, worn specifically for the previous shoot as Tony had insisted on replicating their outfits from when they first met, so that he was in his undershirt - as he often was once he really started getting working in their shared lab or in his workshop. 

"Of course not," Tony said. "He's less of a hazard than the kids are."

"The kids?" Peter looked around in confusion, having never been into the men's personal labs before, rather only the Stark Industries labs.

"Dummy, U and Butterfingers," Bruce supplied with a thin smile as he pointed toward the robots in their docking station. He then put his lab coat on over his purple shirt.

Peter turned and looked at the robots with a furrow of his brow. "Okay. So that's a thing," he mumbled. He then turned back only to see Tony and Bruce had moved to put a custom lab coat on Bear. His head fell back on his shoulders. "Oh… Oh, come on. Really?" He held out a hand toward them in disbelief. "Okay, this is just sad. I will pay Doc Ock to steal as many kids for you as he can carry from an orphanage somewhere if it makes this stop."

Bruce laughed and shook his head.  


"As touching as that gesture is, really," Tony replied scathingly, though without heat, "this is just for the photoshoot. The general public eats this kind of thing up. Trust me."

"Oh right. Of course. It's only about the press," Peter said in a disbelieving tone, wearing a slightly dorky smirk. He then looked over at Bruce.

Bruce held up his hands. "Don't look at me. I'm staying out of this one. He's the press expert, not me."

Peter gave an exaggerated roll of his eyes. "Fine, I'm still getting paid so let's get this over with. Where do we start? Bear working on a binary equation?"

"Not a bad idea, but you just assume you're still getting paid," Tony countered breezily. "Because with that attitude…" He gave Peter a shrug and 'sorry about your luck' expression.

"Okay, not that I'm on anyone's side here," Bruce said with a soft laugh as he looked at Tony, "you probably shouldn't threaten the kid who's also going to be editing the photos." He tilted his head.

Tony's mouth fell open. "He wouldn't." He looked at Peter. "You wouldn't dare."

Peter gave a slow, innocent sort of shrug. "You never know. It's _a lot_ of power to be entrusted with and I'm still just a boy really. My fingers might slip and, poof, cross eyed." He shook his head. "Sad really. But it happens to the best of us."

Suddenly Bruce let out a sharp guffaw that startled the other two and which then turned into several more shuddering laughs. Peter quickly grabbed his camera from where he'd set it down, with a _thwip_ of web, to capture the moment. Even Bear cocked his head and then came over to see what the excitement was about. 

"Sorry," he said after a moment.

Tony enthusiastically draped himself around Bruce's shoulders from behind, wearing a wide smile as he did. "Don't you dare apologize! You're gorgeous when you laugh like that."

Bruce smiled and craned his neck a little, hands coming up to rest on top of Tony's. "Thanks."

Tony nuzzled against the side of his head and added, "I mean, you're gorgeous all the time, but _especially_ when you laugh like that."

Peter took photos of the entire natural exchange including one with Bear getting excited by the energy and standing up on his hind legs to try and get their attention. 

After the shoot, which included several pictures of Tony and Bruce practically dancing around the lab like they naturally did in addition to some more staged and sentimental shots, Peter was invited to join the Avengers for dinner. Until then the three sat around looking at the photos and commenting on some of their very favorites although Peter would edit them and send them over before they made their final selections.  


"Oh hey," Peter said as they got into the elevator, Bear accompanying them, when it came time for dinner. "Can I take a selfie with Bear?" He asked, pulling out his Starkphone. Bruce and Tony shrugged so he hunched down slightly next to the dog. "By the way, feel free to photobomb," Peter told them as he took several pictures and so the two men did.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eep. I haven't written Peter, my first fictional love as a kid!, in so long. Hope he turned out okay enough. And I hope the playful mentor, not actual science family but kind of close, relationship worked okay too because this is the element I love these three together in the best. And of course I love the idea of Tony lowkey spoiling Peter just because he can. (And ugh man after writing this chapter, my need to write science dads is so strong - as if I don't have like three or four other unfinished science dads fics already on my harddrive as it is.)


	10. Guide To: Separation Anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after _In This Sweet Surrender_. Just something incredibly short and hopefully sweet. Not my best, but it was something written at the end of a horrible day, of tears and self-loathing and anger, that I hope makes others smile at least a little.

**Guide To: Separation Anxiety**

It was on the third day of their honeymoon. Tony came into the living room of his… _their_ island home after taking a much needed nap that didn't involve calisthenics or falling asleep against a workbench or the slab floor in the lab – because yes even the island home had a lab and science was a very healthy part of their honeymoon, or in a few cases unhealthy but it had been glorious just the same – and found Bruce watching television.

He softly walked over to stand behind the couch and tilted his head in a study of what exactly Bruce was watching. It was an episode of _Pit Bulls and Parolees_ on Netflix. Interesting choice as Bruce had never been into the show before as long as he'd known him.

"Hey." Bruce's warm voice broke his curious study of the show. "Sleep well?"

"Super," Tony answered and leaned down to give Bruce a languid upside down sort of kiss.

He then came around and settled onto the couch. Bruce raised an eyebrow at him before lifting his left arm and moving to settle into it. Tony didn't complain, rather he shifted and adjusted Bruce's arm so that it snaked around him as well. They were snuggled together like that for about half of the duration of the current episode, only talking when commentating on the show itself, when it dawned on Tony why Bruce was watching it. And, honestly, it only dawned on him because the longer he watched the show the more he felt the same way.

"You miss Bear don't you?" Tony asked, tipping his head a little to look at Bruce from the corner of his eyes. They had left Bear in the care of their team for the duration of their honeymoon and it was the longest they'd been away from him.

Bruce sighed. "Is that… weird?" He asked uncertainly. "I'm on my honeymoon—"

"Do you ever wonder at the logic of that word?"

Bruce ignored him. "—and I miss my dog. I mean, I hope that doesn't offend you. I love you and this has definitely been Pleasure Island, but…"

Tony smiled and squeezed Bruce tight. "I'm not offended. I miss him too. He's like our fur baby, remember? I'm pretty sure most dog parents go through this at some point."

Bruce hummed. "Yeah, I guess so. Just feels a little weird. Never really had something like him, you know? Something to take care of. I mean, you're a handful sometimes, but it's not the same," he added teasingly.

"Handful huh?" He wasn't surprised when Bruce didn't justify that with an answer. "No, I get it," he said more seriously then. "That's how I felt when I first saw the Hulk staring at a bunch of puppies in a pet shop window. That's how I felt when he told me you liked dogs. I suddenly started wanting something to take care of too, but it was so weird. Just… _really_ weird. I didn't know how to wrap my mind around it. But now that we've had Bear all these months, it's just… It doesn't seem right not to have him around. This is what separation anxiety feels like right?"

Bruce shifted and looked at him. "I think so. Now the question is how do we deal with it? Besides more sex," he made a quick addendum and Tony smirked.

Tony considered it for a moment. "Well, watching that's not going to help," he said about the show still playing on the television. "JARVIS," Tony said suddenly, glad that the AI was programmed at all of his... _their_ homes and that Bruce had agreed they should keep him on even during their honeymoon in case of emergency. "What's Bear up to at the moment?"

Within a few seconds the television screen changed – Tony loved being a genius – and JARVIS patched through security footage from the mansion. The camera was zoomed in on where Bear lay asleep on his enormous pillow.

"I should be concerned about the ethics of spying like this or your capability to spy like this in general," Bruce started tentatively, but then a smile spread across his face. "But I can't bring myself to care at the moment."

Tony beamed. "We can make a proper video call when it's a decent hour in New York if you want," he then suggested. "See how he's doing."

Bruce turned to look at him again, still smiling. "I want."

* * *

Home from their honeymoon, and back at the mansion, Tony and Bruce wasted no time going to find Bear. JARVIS told them he was in the bowling alley with the team.

They didn't even have to announce their presence as the Newfie was waiting excitedly at the elevator door for their arrival having already sensed their return. The dog wasted no time in trying to launch himself at both of them at the same time and neither man told him to get down.

The men spent the rest of the day with Bear at their heels, the puppy clearly having missed them just as much if not more. They also spent most of the day playing with him, showering him with hugs and petting, and just lounging with him and the team. There was an unspoken agreement between the geniuses that no matter how amazing their honeymoon had been, there was something amazing and right about this simplicity in the midst of their chaotic lives. 

The next day, with its sunshine and all around good weather for a fall day in New York, Bruce let Hulk out because it had been a while since he had seen his Bear-dog between the wedding and honeymoon and now the physicist could appreciate that separation anxiety just a little more. Tony couldn't help but wonder if it was another milestone in their understanding of one another and hoped for the best as he, Hulk and Bear played fetch and Frisbee on the expansive mansion grounds. 


	11. Guide To: Pet Costumes

**Guide To: Pet Costumes**

"Have a superhero costume party for Halloween this year, they said. Draw your costumes out of a hat, they said. _It'll be fun_ , they said."

"Stop being a grouch, his husband said," Bruce remarked playfully as he stood in the door way of their bedroom, arms crossed, watching Tony grumble and fidget and grimace at his reflection in an endless cycle.

"How the hell does Richards hide anything or not chafe in this thing?" Tony groused as he turned to look at Bruce.

Bruce snorted. "The elasticity thing might help," he said with a small gesture of one of his hands before folding it back in again.

"Yeah, right, of course," Tony mumbled. "But what about you? You've never mentioned how unbearable your Hulk pants are," Tony then pointed out and looked at him curiously.

"Uh, well, no they're not the most comfortable things in the world," Bruce admitted as he let his arms fall. "But it beats the alternative. And, honestly, I don't see how you got the rawer costume deal here." Bruce came over and looked himself over in the mirror.

"What!?" Tony's eyes widened and he looked Bruce over a little like he was crazy. "Raw deal? Are you kidding? I've been trying to get you into leather since I laid eyes on you. I said to myself, now there's a guy that would look good in leather," Tony said with a smirk.

Bruce shook his head and rolled his eyes fondly. "And a suit, and a tux, and yoga pants, and—"

Tony interrupted him with a kiss to his jaw, just below his ear. "I think it's safe to say I think you look good in everything." Tony's eyes rove over Bruce's reflection. "But right now the leather might be winning out. The wig is killing it a little bit though. I need to see you in this without the wig before the night's up," he said with a small leer.

Bruce turned his head a little and looked at Tony. "I think that can be arranged," he said and gave him a kiss as if to seal the promise. "But seriously your costume isn't that bad," he said when he moved away to grab the cape that was still hanging up in their closet.

"No, see, no," Tony countered. "You showing up as Storm, completely hot. If nobody wolf whistles, I'll be surprised. But to be fair if anybody does wolf whistle I'll also probably do the whole jealous new husband thing," he said with a laugh. "But Storm showing up with Mr. Fantastic? It's both implausible and kills the hotness factor by at least seventy-three percent."

Bruce returned wearing the cape and looked Tony over. "Do you want me to wolf whistle at you? Because I can if it'll help," he said in a semi-serious, semi-teasing tone.

Tony frowned. "No, please don't. Because this is not attractive and I don't really need to imagine you wolf whistling at Reed."

Bruce laughed at that, head falling back slightly on his shoulders. "Trust me, that's never going to be an issue. Although," he straightened his head, "maybe I should be concerned that you're attracted to Ororo," he said with eyes narrowed in exaggerated suspicion.

Tony scoffed. "Yeah, well, everybody's attracted to Ororo. It's just a thing. Don't deny it." Bruce shrugged as if to say his husband had a fair point. "But did you miss the part about you and leather and how I want you in leather without the wig? Because, yeah. You. Leather." Bruce smiled and shook his head at Tony's insistence. "If you had dressed as _any_ superhero sporting a leather suit, we'd still be having this conversation." Tony clapped his hands together. "Okay, well, let's go get this nightmare over with."

"Actually, we still need to get Bear into his costume," Bruce said. "While you were in here grumbling over being Reed Richards for Halloween, I quickly realized that getting Bear into an outfit has now become a two man job. And eventually we might even need help from one of the kids… Or all three of them," he said in reference to the robots.

Tony laughed. "He's not even a year old yet. What was I thinking?" He asked playfully as they left their bedroom.

Bruce laughed as well. "I'm pretty sure that's what Steve's been saying since February. Although we know Clint's theory is you wanted a nanny dog."

"He'd never let me hear the end of it if he knew it was a good working theory," Tony said. They found Bear lying on top of his costume in the living room. He was wagging his tail and looking at them like he was just ready to play a game of 'you're not putting a costume on me!' "He absolutely knows what we're up to," Tony remarked.

"Of course he does. He's a genius," Bruce retorted. 

* * *

"Looking good, newlyweds," Peter quipped as he came over to stand by Tony and Bruce. He then looked Tony over more playfully. "You're looking better than usual," he said. Tony scowled and Bruce pursed his lips to suppress an amused grin.

"I could say the same thing for you since you got the best costume of all," Tony said with a smile then.

"Ha ha," Peter responded dryly. "You're a narcissist, you know that? How did you fall for this guy?" Peter looked at Bruce while pointing at Tony.

"Hmm," Bruce hummed emphatically and looked at Tony. "Where to begin? He speaks English. He offered me blueberries." Peter scrunched his face in confusion. "He's not afraid of the Other Guy. He's a philanthropist. He makes me laugh. The sex is—"

"Okay, okay," Peter interrupted quickly and held up his hands. "I suddenly feel very violated," he said with a grimace. "You seriously did not have to give that speech while I'm wearing an Iron Man costume. It's just…" He shuddered and both Bruce and Tony chuckled.

"Sorry," Bruce said, though still smiling in amusement.

"Aww," Peter suddenly changed tones and the two men followed his gaze to see Bear scampering back over to them, having been walking around and getting attention from the other guests. "You dressed science dog up as Hulk! Now _that_ is adorable." Peter immediately started petting the Newfie.

"We thought so," Tony said, perhaps a little smugly.

"Okay, well, I'm going to have to dognap Bear for the rest of the night now," Peter stated matter-of-factly.

"Um, okay, not that I don't trust you, Peter, but why?" Bruce looked at him skeptically. Tony mirrored the look.

Peter gave them an incredulous smile. " _Hello_. I am Iron Man? He completes my costume. Science dog is going to help me win the costume contest, aren't you fella?" He scrubbed Bear's ears.

"Can't really argue with that kind of logic," Tony replied, smiling as he looked at Bruce.

"Guess not," Bruce agreed. "But keep a very close eye on him or the real Hulk will show up," he then warned.

"Okay, okay, _dad,_ " Peter intoned. "I'm a big kid and totally responsible now," he said before walking off with Bear at his heels.

"Did you adopt him without telling me?" Tony asked, pointing after Peter.

Bruce snorted. "No. I think he adopted us when we weren't looking. We should probably warn his aunt."

"Mhm. And he's right. He's definitely winning the costume contest now," Tony said with a smirk. "I mean, he had a pretty even chance just dressed up as me, but…"

"Narcissist," Bruce teased before pecking Tony on the lips.

"That you love," Tony corrected and kissed him back, a little more deeply.

"Guilty," Bruce said against his lips before continuing the kiss.

"Ugh, newlyweds," Logan groused as he walked by, dressed as Captain America.

Bruce laughed a little at that and pulled away. His eyes widened. "Oh my god, Reed's here finally and…"

Tony quickly whipped his head around to see where Bruce was looking to see Reed dressed as Black Widow. They looked at him for a moment and then shared a look as they couldn't contain their laughter.

"Yeah, see, him in leather. Not doing anything for me," Tony said between his snickers.

"Wait, wait," Bruce said, trying to regain his composure. "Is he… Is he manipulating his body to fill out the cat suit?"

Tony looked back again and snorted, nodding his head as he did. "And here I thought we'd be the only superhero couple having kinky sex tonight," he quipped.

"Didn't need that mental image," Bruce deadpanned. "We should probably warn Peter that he has competition. Clearly Reed came to win."

"Hell no. He's not beating our kids. Not if I can help it. We need to get a PR campaign going stat," Tony gabbled and Bruce looked at him with eyebrows raised to his forehead. "What?"

"You just called Peter and Bear our kids is all," Bruce pointed out.

"I did? Huh." Tony paused for a moment, but then shrugged. "Whatever. Bear _is_ our kid and Peter seems to think he is all of a sudden. Let's roll with it. And make sure they win."

"Sounds good to me," Bruce said with a wry smile before pulling Tony in for a quick kiss.

"Oh for—" Logan passed by again at that moment. "Look, bubs, you've been married for three weeks now. You can't stop shoving your tongues down each other's throats for one night?"

"What's wrong, Canada?" Tony asked with a smirk. "Captain America's tights bunching up on you?"

"Yes, but that's not the point," Logan replied, but any subsequent point was lost in a fit of laughter among the men.

After that the rest of the night was passed in enjoyment in spite of Tony's annoyance with his own costume. And in the end he felt like he had the last victory since not even Reed Richards could compete with the cuteness of Bear dressed as Hulk. That and Bruce was still wearing leather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so it's my headcanon for this series now that since Peter has figured out that Bruce and Tony really want kids, he's just casually inserting himself at random times as their surrogate son just because he's adorable like that. 
> 
> I'll be busy the rest of the weekend starting tomorrow so Happy Halloween in advance :)


	12. Guide To: Best In Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something very very short and indulgent since there was a Newfoundland in the running for Best In Show this year.I took some dialogue from the actual National Dog Show commentary regarding the Newfie (although I didn't keep track of which commentator said what oops).
> 
> Happy Thanksgiving to any of my readers who celebrate it. If not, I hope you have a wonderful day just the same.

The members of the Avengers were gathered around in Bruce and Tony's apartment for Thanksgiving. They had considered using the formal dining room, but between the two newlyweds riding the domestic high and wanting to host the meal - Tony insisting on helping Bruce in the kitchen - and Steve liking the idea of a cozier celebration of the holiday and goading Clint, Natasha and Thor into the idea they had all agreed that Bruce and Tony could host and the others would bring side items or deserts. 

All having arrived around noon, they currently found themselves waiting for the turkey to finish and watching the annual National Dog Show. With Bear around this year they were all super invested in the competition, especially since there was a Newfoundland in the running for Best In Show which was about to begin.

"Hey, down in front," Clint called toward the television.

Bear was planted directly in front of it for the countless time over the course of the show. He was probably getting more of a kick out of it than his owners as his tail wagged and he cocked his head from time to time curiously at the other dogs on the screen.

"Bear," Bruce called him, "here, boy."

Bear turned his head back toward his owners and then looked at the television again in consideration. Finally he turned and hurried over to the couch, quickly jumping up and lying down across Tony's and Bruce's laps. He kept his head toward the television however.

"Good boy," Tony said, patting him.

"Shh, it's about to be Best In Show time," Clint shushed them.

Tony chuckled. "The Newfie is a clear winner. Not even a competition."

"Sure, I'd like the Newfoundland to win," Steve said, smiling over at Bear, "but if I had to bet I'd put my money on the Chihuahua." He shrugged apologetically.

"I'd bet on the Bearded Collie," Thor said thoughtfully.

"Skye Terrier," Natasha said with her signature calculated tilt of her head.

"Doubting Thomases, every single one of you," Tony groused, but then immediately shushed them when the Newfoundland was being shown again.

"He's a big old bear isn't he?" One of the commentators said with a chuckle as the dog passed by the camera.

Bear barked and wagged his tail in response and everyone laughed.

"That's right," Bruce said, petting him. "You're a big old bear aren't you?" He laughed as Bear licked him a few times.

"...only 150 pounds," continued the commentary and all of the others looked at Bruce and Tony with shakes of their heads at the size.

"Still very much a lap dog," said the other commentator.

"Amen," Tony agreed with a laugh, patting Bear again.

They continued to watch the rest of the line up in relative silence, save some barks here and there from Bear as he got excited. Finally came the moment of truth.

"This year's Best In Show is the Skye Terrier."

"Oh come on!" Tony shouted and Bear hopped off and then turned to look at him in canine concern. Tony looked at Bear with a shake of his head and pet him to reassure him he was okay. "It should have been the Newfie," he continued to grumble just the same.

"I told you," Natasha said with a shrug.

" _Of course._ You jinxed it," Tony said in an accusatory tone.

"Tony, it's just a dog show," Bruce tried to intervene. "All of the dogs were very deserving this year."

"Maybe, but it still should have been the Newfie," Tony insisted. A smile spread across Bruce's face. "What?"

"You only think that because of Bear," he pointed out.

"Yeah, so?" Tony said with a hitch of his shoulder.

"It's sweet," Bruce said with his own hitch of a shoulder.

"Ugh, here we go," Clint groaned. "Newlywed moment incoming. I'm going to go check on the turkey."

Tony rolled his eyes as he went. "You think it's sweet?" He looked at Bruce intently.

"You're essentially saying Bear should have been Best In Show," Bruce reasoned, reaching over and scrubbing one of Bear's ears. "It has nothing to do with the Newfoundland that was in the competition."

"I guess I am." Tony smiled broadly and looked down at Bear. "Best In Show isn't even good enough for you, but you're still  _our_ Best In Show, buddy."

Bruce's smile widened and he squeezed Tony's knee with his free hand. Tony leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the corner of his lips.

"That he is," Bruce agreed. 


	13. Guide To: Birthdays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fluff addition I've been planning since October. Hope you enjoy these two in all their ott newlywedness in this one. Writing it was very thereputic.

“So, uh…” Clint sniffed, “I get he’s _your_  husband so if you want to sleep on the couch it’s totally your prerogative, but I’m pretty sure Bruce has said time and again--”

“Really?” Tony cut him off, turning to eye him incredulously over the top of the items he carried in his arms. “You just said yourself he’s _my_ husband so you don’t need to tell me what he’s said time and time again.”

Clint looked down at the two bags he held, weighing them slightly before looking back up. “Are you sure? Because this seems like a lot of decorations.”

 _Sir, the cake delivery has arrived,_ JARVIS said as if on cue.

“Great!” Tony cheered. “Not a moment too soon. Uh, can you see if Steve and Thor can go handle it?”

_Very well, sir._

“A cake too? This screams party, Tony and you know anything that screams party is a sure way of making him miserable.” Clint set the bags down pointedly.

Tony sighed as he set down his own things gracelessly. He shook his head and gave Clint an annoyed look, but didn’t say anything. Instead he began pulling out streamers.

“Okay,” Clint muttered and started in on helping him set up the common lounge -as opposed to the party area - for the celebration. Five minutes later, Steve and Natasha arrived each with a cake in hand. “Two cakes?” Clint asked in disbelief when they did.

“Thanks,” Tony said as he pointed toward the table he’d set up with a tablecloth, streamers, a few balloons and eating ware. “Someone will have to get the drinks,” he said thoughtfully before returning to the banner he was putting together.

"Yeah, we set Thor on that instead," Natasha said with a look that said 'you're welcome.'

“Not to speak out of turn,” Steve started.

“Since when?” Tony asked with a snort, not stopping what he was doing.

“It’s just,” Steve spoke in a tentative tone, “Bruce always protests over this sort of thing. Last year he protested because I made him cupcakes, remember?”

“Oh for--” Tony did stop then and turned to look at them with a small scowl. “Do I remember that the man I love isn’t fond of parties? Gee. Now why would I remember something like that?”

“Tony,” Steve said in that disapproving tone of his. “We’re just concerned.”

“And I appreciate the thought,” Tony compromised. “But I also know Bruce better than all of you so just trust me. I know what I’m doing.” He gave them a firm look and returned to his work. “Now someone give me a hand with putting this up.”

The other three looked at one another. Natasha shrugged and Steve shook his head slightly before moving to help.

“Oh,” Clint toned in understanding when the banner was hung.

Tony gave them a pleased smirk as they studied it. “See?” They nodded. “It’s not that he hates parties. He hates being the center of attention.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey, babe,” Tony greeted Bruce upon entering the lab. He walked straight over to where Bruce stood, leaning over a microscope. He draped himself against Bruce’s back, wrapping his arms around Bruce's torso and burying his face into the physicist’s waves. “How has your day been?”

Bruce smiled thinly, not moving from the microscope. “Good. But it's better now,” he answered. He then moved his head up and angled it just enough to look at Tony over his shoulder, the engineer having moved his own to peer over Bruce’s shoulder in turn. “So is it safe to come out from hiding now?”

“That’s entirely up to you, good looking,” Tony replied with a playful wink. "Although I wasn’t even aware you were hiding.”

Bruce chuckled a little and turned in Tony’s arms. “It’s my birthday and I have you around. Seemed like a relatively good idea today. So what did you do against my wishes this time?”

“I don’t know why you assume,” Tony said with a small pout. “I love you and wouldn’t want to ruin your special day.”

Bruce blinked. “I almost believe you…”

Tony smiled. “Good. Because you should. Peter on the other hand…”

A small crease formed in the middle of Bruce’s brow. “What about him?”

“Well, he’s upstairs and he really wants to wish you a happy birthday,” Tony replied. “Maybe I’ve gone soft on the kid, but I really couldn’t turn him away so I thought I’d come run it by you.”

Bruce smiled and shook his head. “Tony, we both know you’ve had a soft spot for Peter since the day we met him.”

Tony lookee around as if for anyone that may have overheard. "I expect for that to stay between us, Dr. Stark,” Tony said very seriously.

“Wouldn’t dream of divulging your secret, Mr. Banner,” Bruce replied just as seriously before it melted into a few short moments of laughter. Their laughter tapered off into a few playful kisses which culminated in a kiss with more feeling. “Alright, I’ll indulge him,” Bruce said after they finished.

“Mhm. I’m not the only one with a soft spot,” Tony said, poking his fingers in a few spots he knew well by now that got a reaction out of the other man.

Bruce laughed and attempted to swat Tony’s hands away. “I never said I didn’t have one,” he said, finally grasping Tony’s hands in his own and pushing them away.

“Alright, alright. Yield,” Tony said. He then looked over toward the couch in the lab. “Bear, Peter’s here. Want to see Peter?”

Bear, who had been asleep, perked up immediately. His head cocked questioningly before yawning, stretching and jumping down. He trotted over at a brisk enough pace to prove his eagerness.

“I think that answers that question,” Bruce said with a laugh. “Alright let’s go.”

Tony smiled and linked his hand with Bruce’s as they made their way to the elevator, Bear following at their side. Once in the elevator, Tony stole a few more kisses.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you since this morning,” he said.

“That’s because you haven’t,” Bruce responded in a slightly amused tone. “In fact I was starting to wonder if you were trying some kind of reverse psychology by ignoring me on my birthday instead of making a fuss like the last few years.”

“You call it a fuss,” Tony said with a hitch of his shoulder as they stepped off the elevator and Tony led the way toward the common floor. “I call it celebrating the day the universe decided the world needed Bruce Banner.” He paused at the stairs and looked at Bruce meaningfully. “I mean, it’s actually a tad unfair. It’s your birthday and I got the gift.”

Bruce ducked his head and smiled the small smile that always indicated he was profoundly overwhelmed by the sentiment in the best kind of way. He then looked up and met Tony’s eyes. “Gotta admit. Looking at it that way makes it a lot nicer.”

“That so?” Tony asked with his own small smile.

Bruce hummed and nodded. “Yeah, I guess I just like making you happy,” Bruce said with an exaggerated shrug.

Tony's smile broadened. “Well, I can assure you there are no worries there,” Tony said as he placed his hands on Bruce’s waist and looked him intently in the eyes. “You make me infinitely happy.”

“Good,” Bruce said firmly. “Because I’d hate to think I’m not reciprocating.” This time he stole a few kisses.

Suddenly there was a loud _ahem!_ and both men looked up to see Peter standing a few floors up and looking over the railing. “Are you two coming up or are you just going to stand there making out? I mean, _come on_. You’d think kissing was an Olympic sport with you two.” He then waved and called, “Hey, science dog!”

Bear barked and bounded up the stairs to get to him. Tony and Bruce looked at each other with happy gleams in their eyes and chuckled softly before relinking hands and making their way up the stairs as well.

“I’m totally serious about the kissing,” Peter said once they joined him and Bear. “Doesn’t it ever get old?”

“No,” the two men said in sync and then smiled at each other at the coincidence.

“Right. Of course it doesn’t,” Peter replied with a playful roll of his eyes. “You two might as well be the poster boys for happy newlyweds. Whatever. Let’s just go join the others.”

“Others?” Bruce asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, I was visiting the others while your hubby dearest there went to fetch you,” Peter answered in a droll tone.

Tony smiled for a few different reasons, including that it seemed Bruce believed Peter. Of course there was also the fact that Bruce had given his hand a small squeeze at Peter’s remark, a silent way of conveying he was just fine with that little joke. Tony was too.

The quiet moment between them was short lived however when they reached the common lounge and Bruce was greeted by a round of, “Surprise!!!!” from Tony, Peter, and the others. His eyes widened and Bear barked several times, tail wagging as he became excited by the energy of the room.

Bruce glanced around the room before his eyes narrowed in on the banner that read _Happy Birthday, Bear_. He then turned slightly and looked at Tony, face torn between genuine surprise and slight delight. He then glanced down at Bear before looking back again.

Tony grinned wide. “Not sure if you know this, but our Bear was born a year ago. Well, I think the actual date on the registration was the 16th, but close enough,” he added with a shrug. “Soooo… since you don't like being the center of attention, I thought hey we can still have a party. You'd like that right, Bear?” He asked their dog playfully, as Bear’s tail continued to wag.

The entire room went quiet in wait for Bruce’s response.

The physicist looked around the room once more and suddenly his smile nearly matched Tony’s. “I love you,” he said with a slow nod. He then looked back at Tony. “I absolutely love you.”

“I guess you were right after all, Tony,” Steve conceded, not sounding at all displeased by the admittance.

“You know I wouldn’t mind celebrating only you,” Tony started as he wrapped his arm around Bruce, “but celebrating both of you seemed like a very wonderful compromise. And I figured with this being Bear’s first birthday most of the focus could be on him.”

“Tony, it’s wonderful,” Bruce said. “I like this compromise. And I’m okay with it being more about Bear.” He reached down and pet their growing dog in show of his statement. “I can’t believe he’s actually a year old already.”

“I know. It doesn’t seem possible,” Tony agreed.

“And what a hell of a year he’s had,” Clint said. The others all chimed in with agreement to that.

“He’s befriended a Hulk,” Natasha said with a thin smile.

“Been to Malibu,” Clint pointed out.

“Not to mention he moved homes,” Steve added.

“And of course there’s the fact his dads got married,” Peter said with a lopsided smirk.

“I think,” Thor said, “if I were to ask him, he’d be inclined to agree that it’s been an amazing first year and that his fathers’ union was the culminating moment.”

There was a playful round of "awws" at that. 

Bruce looked over at one of the tables the. and his eyes narrowed. "I still see gifts and cake.”

“Well, my gift is for Bear since Tony let me in on the secret,” Peter replied.

“Actually I’m sure most of our gifts are for Bear," Natasha said with a knowing look. "Tony kept dropping not so subtle hints that you would like it if we got you things for Bear instead of you,” she explained.

“I realy tghink I should be a little worried about your cunning,” Bruce said with a laugh.

“As long as you don’t need to worry on your account. My cunning is your cunning,” Tony said breezily as he grabbed Bruce's hand and tapped his wedding band. "Says so right there. And for the record the two cakes are because one of them is an edible cake for dog parties. I honestly didn’t know that was a thing, but I’m glad I had JARVIS ask because apparently it’s a thing. So that smaller one is exclusively Bear’s.” He pointed to the one he meant.

Bruce walked over to it and saw that it was even decorated with paw prints, in green - the trim was blue - and was inscribed to wish Bear a happy birthday. “I hope you brought your camera,” he said over his shoulder in address to Peter.

“Always,” Peter replied with a slight scoff.

“The other cake is for us, Tony said next as Bruce returned, "It's still technicala party. Gotta have cake. I even made sure not to inscribe the edible one with your name.”

“Seriously, Tony, I love it,” Bruce insisted.

“Oh yeah? Do I know my husband or do I know my husband?” Tony asked teasingly.

“Oh great. Here they go again,” Peter groaned overdramatically. “Yeah, so while you two make googly eyes I'm going to go ahead and cut the cake. If there's nothing but dog cake left by time you're done, don't say I didn't warn you.” He then looked at Bear. “Come get your birthday cake, science dog.”

Tony and Bruce shook their heads in equal amusement as they continued to look at one another.

“Happy birthday, Bruce,” Tony said softly.

“Yeah,” Bruce replied in earnest, “it really is. I honestly can’t remember a better one,” he said. “Thank you, Tony. This is the best birthday gift you’ve given me yet.”

“Well, I had a little more in mind, but…” Tony leaned in and whispered something in Bruce's ear that made him duck his head slightly before looking at Tony with a raised brow when he was finished. Tony answered with a smirk and tiny shrug.

They then joined the others in celebrating the birthdays of both Bruce and Bear.

 

* * *

 

Hulk looked around the large room situated off of Bruce and Tony’s personal apartment. The room was filled with helium balloons, streamers, the banner from the previous party, and there was even more cake. His large eyes were comically wide. He then looked down at Bear for a long moment before Bruce pushed forth the reason for everything and a pleased smile spread across his face.

He looked at Tony. “Bear-dog birthday.”

Tony matched his smile in spades. “That’s right, big guy. We had another party earlier since it’s Bruce and Bear’s birthday,” he explained. “But we wanted to make sure you could celebrate Bear’s birthday too. He’s a year old now.”

“Bear-dog getting big,” Hulk said next.

Tony nodded sentimentally. “Yeah, he really is. Time just goes too fast. But, hey, this is a time to be happy. Brought you some cake. And all the gifts our friends got for Bear. We we even left a few for you to open for him.”

Hulk looked over at the gifts. “ _Hulk_ open?”

“Yeah, sure,” Tony said, giving him a confused look at his incredulity.

Hulk looked back at him. “Not Hulk birthday.”

“Oh.” Tony bit his lip and then his eyes widened. “OH! You don’t have a birthday do you? Well, I mean, I guess technically you do. It would be the day…  But then you remember things from Bruce’s past so maybe… Huh." He paused, looking around in clear consideration. “You know what. How about you pick what day you want and then we’ll celebrate your birthday too.”

“Hulk share with Bear-dog?” He looked so hopeful that Tony couldn’t immediately say no.

“Uh, you realize you’ll also be sharing with Bruce. You okay with that? Because if you want your own special day we can figure something out.”

“Hulk share,” Hulk said.

Tony’s eyes lit up and he tilted his head as a thought occurred to him. “Hey, buddy, why don’t you ask Bruce if he’s okay with that too?"

Hulk gave a long, pondering look before nodding. His face then went somewhat blank. After another long moment, Hulk smiled.

“We share,” he grunted happily.

Tony smiled brightly and went over to the unopened gifts. He grabbed one and handed it out for Hulk to take.

“Happy birthday, Hulk. Happy birthday."


	14. Guide To: First Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little short and I was afraid I wouldn't have time to get to it at all, but I wanted to at least have _something_ for this series on Christmas :3 And I wanted to keep it mostly goofy - save the small bit of sap at the very end - so it's a little weird randomness that doesn't really establish any kind of plot idk.

_Sirs, Captain Rogers says Christmas breakfast will be done in about a half an hour if you are interested._

Tony rolled over, instinctively found Bruce and hugged him close. "What did he say?" He mumbled in question.

"Hmm?" Bruce hummed groggily. "Oh, something about breakfast."

"Not hungry yet," Tony replied. "Coffee first."

_Sirs, Ms. Lewis has asked me to relate to you that if you aren't upstairs in thirty minutes to celebrate Christmas morning she will come down here and jump up and down on the bed until you wake up. Clint added he will find a way to get her in to do so._

"Damn kids," Tony groused and buried his head into Bruce's shoulder.

"I thought you wanted kids," Bruce mused, voice still far away as he slowly woke up.

"If they were our kids it'd be different," Tony countered with a small sigh. "Then again," he slowly lifted up, eyes opening, "if they were our kids and still acting like this at their age, clearly we went wrong somewhere."

Bruce blinked open his eyes and tittered slightly as he woke up at that remark. "Dear, with you as their dad I'd almost expect it."

Tony looked torn on how to respond to the comment, but then he smiled. "You called me dear."

Bruce rolled his eyes as he closed them, draping an arm over them. "I'm still asleep," he said playfully. "I'm still asleep and I'm dreaming."

"That's no good," Tony played along. "You have to wake up, honey, it's Christmas morning. And apparently the kids are waiting for us."

"Five more minutes," Bruce protested. Tony leaned over him and kissed him deeply, eliciting an appreciative moan from Bruce as his hand fell from his eyes. He opened his eyes when Tony pulled away to look at him. "Ten more minutes," he corrected with a wry smile.

"We have at least twenty to spare," Tony said to that and wasted not a minute more in kissing Bruce again.

* * *

The group of superheroes and friends sat around the large Christmas tree in the common lounge, ready to exchange Secret Santa gifts. It was mid-afternoon already, but they had waited for other guests to arrive such as Peter and his Aunt May, Bruce's cousin Jennifer, Rhodey, and Pepper.

"Oh, look at this," Darcy said as she randomly grabbed a gift and read the tag. "Dr. Banner is the first one in the pile."

"You can come back to me," he said with a shake of his head, pushing the gift away.

"Come on, Brucey," Tony teased as he nudged the man snuggled close against him in the love seat. "Live a little."

"I would," Bruce said, "but I don't trust any of you." They'd all said they would buy cheap, very likely silly gifts for one another so as to make the holiday more fun and that was enough to cause a little trepidation. He shook his head again, but took the gift anyway. "Fine, let's get this over with." He opened the box and immediately he furrowed his brow as Tony's eyes widened beside him. Bruce slowly held up the obvious gag gift – a woman's negligee. "Okay, the sad thing about this is the only person I know for sure wasn't my secret Santa is May," he said through reddened cheeks.

"Oh, you may be surprised, dear," Aunt May said with an impish smile.

"It wasn't me," Tony said quickly and held up his hands. "We weren't allowed to be each other's secret Santa, remember?"

"As if you wouldn't have bought it for him just the same," Natasha accused in a teasing tone.

"They've probably already got a closet full of them," Pepper added with a devious smirk.

"Um," Bruce, still flustered, put the negligee back in the box, "I feel like there might be a serious misunderstanding about the nature of our sex life." He coughed a little at the end of his statement and very pointedly did not look at anyone.

"Well then your secret Santa did you both a serious favor," Darcy said with a very wide smile.

"Can we maybe move on now?" Steve asked hopefully. "I'd really rather not spend Christmas thinking about the finer details of their sex life."

"I would, but okay," Darcy said with a shrug and grabbed another. "Clint, you're up." She handed it to him.

He opened it and stared long and hard at it. "Joke's on you, Tony. I love _The Birds_. It's a classic."

Tony scoffed loudly in protest. "Why do you assume it was me?" They all looked at him suspiciously including Bruce. He looked at Bruce for a short moment and then cracked. "Yeah, okay. It was me. But, hey, it was twofold. Sure, it's a joke, but like you said it's a classic so you're welcome."

"Pepper," Darcy said as she handed her a gift.

Pepper opened it and let out a small laugh. She held up a mug that read: _My superpower is putting up with stupid people_. "Yeah, I'd say that about covers it," she said. "I've been doing that for years."

"You wound me," Tony said with a hand on his heart and the others laughed.

"Thor," Darcy interjected with the next gift and handed it to the demigod.

"Thank you," he said as he took the gift. He opened it and smiled as he revealed a fluffy kitten calendar. "They are quite adorable," he said as he looked it over.

"Don't listen to him, Bear," Peter said as he pet the dog that was sitting beside him, a Santa hat atop his head, watching the scene with interest. "Dogs rule and cats drool." Bear barked in agreement.

"He understood that, didn't he?" Tony looked at Thor dubiously. Thor only smiled a face-splitting smile in response.

"Here you go, Tony," Darcy said as she handed him the next gift.

"I'm sure this was a challenge for whoever had me to buy a gift for," Tony said as he slowly opened the gift. "After all, what do you get the man who has," he looked at Bruce, "absolutely everything?" He then pulled a tacky nurse costume from the box. "Huh. This apparently. It seems our gift givers were working in tandem," he said to Bruce, who eyed the costume with slight surprise. "Haha. I get it. Because Bruce is a doctor. Very funny."

"Well, you know," Peter said with a shrug and teasing smile. "The baby store was out of babies so I had to come up with something else last minute."

"Whoa! Whoa, what's this about babies?" Darcy looked at the two men with eager curiosity. "You're going to have babies?"

"That question cannot be answered at present time," Tony replied breezily.

Darcy huffed and grabbed another gift. "For the record, if you decide you just want an heir, I totally volunteer."

"Hey, I already volunteered," Peter protested. "And their dog already likes me."

"They can have two," Darcy challenged. She then looked down at the gift in hand. "Hulk's?"

Tony smiled. "I'll give it to him tomorrow."

"Okay," Darcy said uncertainly and set it aside. She grabbed the next one which was obviously a very large dog bone covered in wrapping paper. "I wonder who this goes to." She held it up and Bear perked up immediately, looking back and forth between it and Bruce and Tony over on the nearby love seat. "There's no name here. Maybe it goes to you, Steve?" Darcy asked playfully.

"I know, I know," Steve said, huffing out a laugh. "I look like a golden retriever."

"Bear, go get the gift," Bruce prompted and Bear immediately hurried over to Darcy as if that's what he'd been waiting to hear. He grabbed the wrapped bone between his teeth and carried it back to Bruce. "Good boy," Bruce praised him and then removed the wrapping paper so he could safely enjoy the dog bone.

* * *

Tony and Bruce were nestled in the couch with the fireplace on and _It's A Wonderful Life_ playing on the television. Bear was lying on the floor chewing on his Christmas gift on when Tony smiled and said, "Hey, Bear, go get the gift."

Bruce gave Tony a strange look and then watched as Bear quickly got up and left the room. He was gone for a moment before returning with a gift in mouth that he deposited in Bruce's lap.

"Tony, what is this?" Bruce looked at his husband in slight confusion. "I thought we agreed no gifts?"

"Does it count if it's something for both of us?" Tony asked earnestly. Bruce looked down at the small package and then relented, opening it.

"Oh," he said in an awed tone as he carefully held up the ornament. "It's…" Bruce couldn't find the words so he just kissed Tony instead.

"Merry Christmas, Bruce," Tony whispered against his lips.

"Merry Christmas, Tony," Bruce whispered back.

They then leaned their heads together as they settled back on the couch. They both looked down at the ornament still reverently held in Bruce's hand. In the center of a small frame was one of their wedding photos that included Bear and the frame itself was engraved with the year.

"Merry Christmas, Bear," they both then said in a content unison as Bear joined them on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could have had all of the different silly Secret Santa gifts highlighted and a part with Hulk getting his gift, but again time crunch kept me from highlighting them all and wanting to end it with Bruce and Tony and Bear kept me from adding Hulk to this one. But he still got a gift and he'll love it of course.


End file.
